Thank you for all of you who read my post and who snapped me back into reality. I still can't say what way I lean, because I just don't know. My faith is being truly tested right now. Maybe this is just one more of life's lessons that I have to work through; learning to juggle the good the bad and the ugly.
This exact thing happened to me the last time I went on BCP. They really mess with my thoughts and emotions. I start to doubt everything and everyone and my "faith" goes out the window. The last time this happened, Sharon, suggested I look to antidepressants. I did not entertain that idea, not even for a minute. Many years ago I was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds; when I was on them I was even less myself. I felt nothing. However, I was in an abusive relationship and in a very unstable environment so I am sure that played a huge part in the way they worked, or didn't work. Regardless, those type of medications will never be found in my medicine cabinet; they just aren't for me. Besides, I' m not staying on the BCP anyways, so this soon shall pass.
I am too happy to be this damn sad.
On to other things really quick...
I am doing much better after my surgery. But, I do have to go back on the 12th of April for the real deal. The last procedure I had done was just to remove the infection. Now we have to go back and remove the root cause. Fun stuff.
The surgery falls on CD 27. I will be on pain meds (again) and antibiotics (again) so the next Femara cycle might have to be pushed back. I am not sure what problems, if any, the drugs could cause.
I should call my RE and talk to them, huh?
I have been off of work for 2 weeks now, and that may have something to do with my bad mood. I am loving the time off, but I feel some what out of sorts without a job. I do have the lead on the W/Thurs position at the dentist office, if I want it, but with the surgery and stuff, I am not in any rush. Plus, I am totally going to be one of those people who enjoys some unemploymentment for a minute or two. Why not? I deserve it. Besides, DH said I had to find a job a really wanted not JUST any job.
Now, I will ask that you send some good vibes to a few people I hold close in heart.
* My sister injured her calf a couple weeks ago. They just found out that she has a small clot in her leg. Please send positive thoughts (or prayers) to her, that she recovery quickly.
* Risa over at "Who Shot Down My Stork" just got another BFN. We all know how painful those can be, so please swing over and send her some good cheer.
* Wishing on a Snowflake really needs some love today too. She just found there was not a heartbeat at 9w1d. I am saying lots of prayers for her today. My heart broke when I read the news.
On a positive note--
* Katie at Non Sequitur Chica just got her BFP! I feel partially responsible since she was wearing the lucky socks my DH picked out and that I sent her! I am sure she would love some love!
*Heather at "I Should B..." started blogging again and would love more followers. Please visit her blog by clicking here.
I'm pretty sure that the socks were the deciding factor in getting pregnant. So everyone should run out and buy St Patrick's Day/4 leaf clover socks. :-) Thanks again lady!!
ReplyDeleteIs is possible to get on a different type of BCP? I know some make me CRAZY and others seem to have no effect.
I am so excited for you! I was at the MD when I read the post and I sorta cheered in my chair. The receptionist kinda looked at me funny! LOL!
DeleteI am on a low does BCP- and I probably wont go on them again after this. But, if I do I will def. ask about an alternative!
I HATE bcp. The only thing I hate more is, lupron..... I agree that going on anti-depressants might not work if you are only staying on bcp short term.
ReplyDeleteI have no idea about Lupron- sounds scary though! ;-)
DeleteThanks for the shout out :-)
ReplyDeleteYeah BCP stinks! I too get moody on it. Plus I always am hungry/munchie on it which is just annoying.
I think enjoying your time off is a good idea. Maybe even do some of the things on your Pin board (if you have one)
Glad to hear your spirits are in a better place my friend
My pleasure! We all love new readers! I hope the shout out helps!
DeleteBCP do make me munch all the time..ugh!
Funny that you mention Pinterest, I was actually browsing it for ideas when your comment came through!
On another note.
ReplyDeleteYou and your DH should market this lucky sock thing. :-)
Ha ha! That would be a great idea... if we could get prego!
DeleteI work freelance so I end up unemployed every few months at least for a little while. Me and my friends/co-workers call it "funemployment". Enjoy your free time and find a job that is right for you and will make happy (or at least not miserable). sorry the BCP make you so miserable. At least it will be over soon.
ReplyDeleteI like that! "Funempoyment" ya, that has a nice ring to it!
DeleteBCP really mess with my emotions too. Although I do find I start to adjust after a few weeks. Try to enjoy your time off, I am sure you will miss it once you are working again. I hope your next job is a great one :)
ReplyDeleteI am only on week 2 of the BCP, so I guess it does make sense that I feel kinda like a roller coaster! Enjoy some of that sand for me!
DeleteGlad you are feeling better post surgery!
ReplyDeleteRight when I feel better, I get hit with another surgery! Go figure! I am going to enjoy this "feeling good" while I can!
DeleteI just read your last post before reading this one. I don't think you need medications. We all feel the same way that you feel. You are just the one to post your feelings. :) Don't feel bad about it and don't apologize. Your feelings are just that....YOUR feelings. You have a right to be sad, angry, and to have doubts. You are human.
ReplyDeleteAwe, thank you! I worry that I may offend some readers. I think I have losts a couple due to some of my non iF related post and maybe due to my truckers mouth! LOL. But you are right, this is MY blog, and these are MY feelings.
DeleteTeresa, you are NOT offensive. You are extremely supportive of everyone and offer a lot of love through blogging. Everyone is entitled to a rough patch here and there. This wouldn't be the supportive environment we all seek if we weren't able to share what we feel. Also, I wouldn't worry about the non IF stuff. Without the other things, we wouldn't know who you are! With that said, I always think I'm boring as all get out to others when I write about my softball life! haha!
DeleteOh good- sometimes I need a break from all the IF talk. You are right, I am more than infertility! I am a wife, a sister, an aunt a friend... it is fun to focus on what I am, rather than what I am not. ;-)
DeleteBoo for more surgeries. But I agree with Stephanie. This is your blog and your feelings. When I get out of this big fucking negative funk, I am planning some "feelings" posts too.
ReplyDeleteThanks! I have been thinking about you!
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