CD #1

Yep. That is right. Pesky AF arrived this morning. She woke me up at 4:30am, that bitch!

I am not overly excited to see AF, obviously. You see, the longer she took to arrive, the more hope I was able to grasp onto. Even after a BFN. 

I have had the worst cramps this time around. I find it interesting that my P4 last month was 75, and my cycle was 29 days long. I never had any terrible cramping or discomfort. This month my P4 was 22.1, and my cycle was 34 days long, and I have had the worst cramps ever; along with random bouts of nausea. I knew last night my period was coming.  I had these weird, sharp, stabbing like pains in my uterus that shot down to my va-jay-jay and my boobs were ever so slightly tender. 

Another sure fire way to tell that AF is coming for me is the fact that my urine has a much stronger smell a day or two before I start bleeding. I asked my nurse about that once and she said it was related to something I ate. But, we all know our bodies too well, and I knew it had nothing to do with diet. It happens every cycle around the same time; every time. 

We are taking a month off this cycle so that we can avoid having to pay the $500.00 out of pocket cost for a baseline ultrasound. If you want my honest opinion, the RE should code it as 620.2 (ovarian cysts), not 628.0 (infertility)! We know I have infertility; we are not checking for that! We are in fact looking for cysts and that can be totally unrelated to infertility. We also opted out of the U/S because  I never have any left over cysts and we would rather put the dough toward the IUI.

I really hate living in a state that does not mandate infertility coverage. It drives me mad. When are people going to understand that infertility is not inconvenience; it is a real medical issue. One that not only damages both the reproductive organs but they psyche as well. If we can call alcoholism and drug addiction; even gambling, a disease, then by God, so is the inability to conceive!

Sorry, rant over.

Anyway, we are taking a month off, I will start BCP on Tuesday and in 28 days I will have a period. During those 28 days I will also attempt a 21 day cleanse. I am scared and some what intimidated that I can't do it, but I am sure gonna try! I don't know if it will help, but I can't see the harm in trying! Besides, my body could use a good flush! When my cycle starts we will try the Femara again, monitored and paired with an IUI.

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In other news...

I am now unemployed. My last day at HRA was Friday. While I am going to miss parts of the job and some of the people, I am rally looking forward to re-grouping and figuring out what I really want to do. I am tired of being a "personal assistant" in a sense. I know that I am far more than that, but after a while, that is exactly what I felt like. I felt like I was always picking up after someone, doing dishes, folding laundry, and other non stimulating things. I need more than that. I just don't know what that is yet. Even at 31.

Last week my blog was mentioned in 4 different places. You can imagine my excitement when I was notified. My heart skipped a beat each time. What a great feeling to know that people tune into my battle and fight it with me. Complete strangers are rooting us on far more than some of our own family members. Blogging has brought me so many gifts. By gifts, I mean, new friends, new confidants, honest, loving, good hearted people to keep me going! So, thank you again to all of my readers. Thank you, to Tao of Pig Pen at Sunshine Dreams and Hopes, Amber at Old Lady no Baby, Katie at Non Sequitur Chica, for taking the time to mention my blog in your posts, and to those who pinned my blog from Resolve: The National Infertility Association's  Pinterest board. 

For the past week and a half I have had some bad low back pain and then a few days ago my "tail bone" starting hurting so bad that I had major discomfort sitting, standing, walking and even laying. I wonder if it is a pilonidal cyst or coccyx pain. I had a pilonidal cyst once before, around the same area, and OH MY GAWD! It was it horrible and  painful! With that being said, I think I may be going to the MD this week!! 

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I promise that with my time off of work I will try to write a thought provoking post. I know I have said that before, but I mean it. I have so many thoughts in my head, but, every time I sit down to write, I go blank. Damn writer's block.  Check me out... I am calling myself a "writer" now. Ha!




P.S. ALL addresses have been assigned for the Post Card Swap! If you want to participate but did not get any addresses please email me! All postcards are to be postmarked by March 29th! 
Remember: if you don't send your postcard you will let a real person down!

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The author of Sunshine Dreams and Hopes has a great book available through Amazon and Barnes and Noble titled "The Longest Love Letter".  Do me a favor? Go buy it and a box of tissues! He told me it was a letter to his daughter, but really it is a love letter to his wife. Both of whom have been a great support to me and to many many others.