How we got here

My name is Teresa and I am the one behind "Where the *bleep* is my stork?". I started this blog to help me through our trials and tribulations of trying to conceive. Talking about things, instead of keeping them buried inside, helps me to heal and to keep fighting. This blog is a place where I can "think out loud", a place where I can be honest, real, raw and open. In the world of infertility there is never too much information. My writings are often not filtered but, I try to express my feelings as eloquently as I can. Sometimes, it just isn't possible.

Since I have started this blog I have met so many wonderful people and have gained such an enormous amount of support. Where the *bleep* is our stork? has not only be cathartic for me; it has helped inspire, educated, and motivated other women who are fighting their own battle with infertility. I never thought that my blog would end up being read by so many people. Not only by friends and family but also by complete strangers.

Here is our story:

I am 31, and my husband is 37,...nope, try 38. We live in beautiful Oregon with our "fur-babies" Zoie and Zeke. I met Mike 13 years ago. When I first met him, I never thought that I would end up marrying him! After going our own ways and losing touch, we were re-united in 2009. On September 10, 2011 (9-10-11, clever, right?! ) we were married.

I say it was luck; he says it was fate.

The Wanna Be Parents
Our "furbaby" Zoie
Our baby boy, Zeke
Before the wedding I went to see an OB for a check up. We knew we wanted kids, but I was not having a regular period. I've never been regular; I used to think I was lucky. After experiencing a painful period the doctor recommended that we check for endometriosis, check a palup he thought he saw during an ultrasound, and to make sure that my tubes were open. In short, everything looked good, and my husband had a "normal" sperm count. The doctor started me on 50mg of Clomid on days 5-9 three times. I never produced follicles large enough. I went up to 150mg and even tried days 3-7. After 5 failed attempts with Clomid my OB referred me to and RE.

My initial visit with the specialist was February 10, 2012. After being in his office for no more than five minutes he told me that I had PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome). FINALLY! I had some answers!!!

After running lots of blood work and after a 2.5 hour consult; we had a plan! In March he started me on Femara 5mg, days 3-7. Each cycle we ran blood work on days 21. I was ovulating with the Femara, so we tried 3 times, once with a trigger shot and an IUI. When that didn't work we moved to injections. Again, I ovulated, but nothing came of it; both rounds of injections only produced 1 follicle on the right ovary 15-19mm. The RE labeled me a "poor responder".

I decided I wanted a second opinion; just in case there was something we missed. It ended up  that the second doctor agreed that I had PCOS and that injections were a waste of money since I was only producing 1 follicle. If we were going to do injections at our age then we might as well do IVF. She recommended doing three more Femara cycles, with triggers and IUIs. If, after all of that, we have still not conceived she recommended that we turn to IVF.
 
So, here we are, 5 cycles of Clomid, 6 cycles of Femara, 2 rounds of injections and 3 IUIs later... we are still not pregnant and we are closer to IVF than we ever wanted to be. IVF scares me so much for so many reasons. I am not one to gamble and this whole IF journey has been one; and I am on the losing side. I worry that we will fork out all this dough and my body will fail me, again. Yet, I don't want to look back in 10-20 years and say "I wish I had..."


When I was 16, I used to have my life planned out. I would be married by 24, and have my first child by 26. Obviously, the Universe had different plans for me!

*WARNING* 
**This blog may contain explicit language, graphic images or details,  as well as what some may consider inappropriate humor. In the world of infertility, however, there is no such thing as "TMI"--  so, read at your own risk**

32 comments:

  1. I was going to have 4 kids by the time I was 30. I was married at 23 so this coulda shoulda happened. Nope. At 38 I still do not have even one, and it looks like we are going to grow old without a family at all. I hope your story turns out better than mine!

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    1. Who knew that once we were ready to have kids it would take this long or be this difficult? No one ever told me that!

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  2. Hi Teresa--I traveled the infertility road for several years, also due to PCOS. Have you ever tried Metformin or researched it? It was my miracle drug and I am now a mom to 8 year old and 5 year old sons! Good luck on this journey--I know that it is incredibly difficult!

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    1. Hi Chris! Yes, I am on Metformin. I started it a year ago. Luckily, I have no side effects! Thanks for stopping by!

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  3. Great blog name! I wish I had a catchy name! I just stumbled upon your blog when I googled "what is iclw?"I just started a blog on my pcos/infertility struggles. I am new to this and need support, and have many questions.please help lol. There are so many acronyms and I have no idea what they mean.I hope your journey ends well,I will keep following. Never stop being unfiltered,I love it!

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  4. Welcome!! Feel free to ask me anything! I will give you my opinion or experience, and if I can't I will ask around! I am happy that you found me! I have a tab called the ABC of infertility. It might help you understand! ;-)

    I was going to name this blog "One Line Short" but Where the Bleep is more like me. ;-)

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  5. Hi, just found your blog. My name is Teresa and I also have a pit bull :) My husband and I have been trying to get pg for 3 yrs. We have narrowed down the problem to probable endometriosis. I had surgery last summer to remove over 20 polyps in my uterus. We tried for several months to conceive on our own with my newly "perfect" uterus with no luck. I am feeling so discouraged and hopeless at this point! I have done a few months of letrozol and in the next two months we will add an iui or two but I dont think it will work given what we think the problem is. We are inching closer and closer to IVF which would probably work but we are poor! I have no clue how we will ever afford IVF. And all the while the clock is ticking away....I dont want to be 40 and just pg for the first time! This is not going the way I had planned in my head! All of our friends have kids...some have multiple children others have 10 yr olds already! I feel like we are getting left in the dust. Anyway thats my rant. I look forward to following your journey!

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    1. My family also calls me Reece! How awesome!

      IF is such a frustrating battle. Not to mention a complete fucking roller coaster!

      Money is a big issue for us as well. I wish we had insurance coverage that covered IF!

      Do you blog?

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  6. That is so funny that you are Reece too! I love it! I have been thinking about starting a blog...I am scared people might actually read it, Lol! I am not a writer. I don't keep a journal and I can't afford therapy and fertility treatments so I may start a blog. I have been feeling very discouraged and depressed about our current situation so maybe it would help me to vent! I'll keep you posted...maybe you can be my first follower ;)

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    1. I would love it! Let me know if you need any help!

      Blogging has really helped, and I have met lots of great people!!

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  7. Hi again, I couldn't fall asleep last night thinking about how strange it is that there is another Teresa exactly my age (I'm also 31!), who's nickname is the same as mine, who also has a pit bull baby and is in the same fertility nightmare! What are the chances of that?? I also don't live far from you, I'm in Seattle! So strange. Makes me feel less alone! So thanks for being you I guess! Ha ha!

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    1. Whoa! That gave me chills! We need to connect more! Find me on Facebook if you want! Or you can email me at:
      wherethebleepisourstork@gmail.com

      I would love to see your pittie. I am a pit bull fanatic! <3 them!!!

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  8. AHHH! I'm 31! I'm from Seattle! (temporarily residing in Hawaii as of Oct) I got my period last mother's day too! I have one dog!

    Can I be in your guy's club? Reese, I just started a little bloggie too and it has been really helpful to just write it out! Teresa, mine has the word "stork" in it. Whaaa??!! Is that awkward? I found yours after I had already named mine, promise. :) I am very excited to have finally found a community that GETS me.

    I wish you guys the best this mother's day. Can it just be over with already? Once I've called my own mom, I will be trapping myself inside with a box of wine. That's right, a box.

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    1. Love this! First off, I love Seattle. Second, Hawaii? JEALOUS! Third, Stork blogs rule!

      I am so glad you found me! I am following your blog now!

      Don't feel bad about the wine. I bought a few bottles as well!

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  9. So glad you stopped by my blog because it gave me a chance to check out yours! Thanks for sharing your story. Looking forward to cheering you on from here on out...

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  10. Im so glad I have stumbled across your blog :) I am 23 DH is 31 been married for 2 years and TTC for 5 years in November (yes I was 18!) and we have had no luck what so ever :(
    Our doctor refered us for treatment where my DH has ok sperm and I ovulate... however I had an HSG test where I was told I have a blocked left tube (I was also told I had ovulated that month from the left side so really hoping I swap sides!), we have our next appointment on Tuesday where I will find out how bad it is and what treatment if any I will have. We have already been recommended for IUI and IVF so just hoping my blocked tube can be fixed asap so we can start treatment! Good luck hun its nice (in a sad kinda way?!?) that there are other people going through the same as me and my DH. I really hope you get your BFP soon *baby dust* xx Jess
    P.S Sorry for the long post!xx

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    1. I am so glad that you stumbled upon it too!! My baby sis was married right after her 18th bday, 11 years ago! They are happily married and have no desire for kids. I respect that.

      I hope that your BFP comes soon- I am here to cheer you on!!

      Keep me posted!

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    2. Thank you :)

      We have our next appointment tomorrow! I'm nervous!

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  11. Hi Theresa,
    I just found your blog and will be following you on Bloglovin. Thanks so much for sharing your fertility struggles. I love the name of your blog. We've been TTC for a year and I've been quietly blogging about it for the past 6 months. I'm cheering you on and wishing you the best as you anticipate your BFP.
    Cheers,
    Marcy

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    1. Love that you found me! I hope to see more of you!
      I hope to read your blog and support you as much as I can!

      Thank you for your support, Marcy!!

      Hugs!

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    2. P.S. I am from the NW- Bend, Oregon to be exact and I LOVE Seattle!!!!

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  12. Your story is so similar to mine. I'm excited to read more about it! We are saving for IVF, and are planning to start at the beginning of 2014. Fingers crossed for both of us! And feel free to check out my blog. I'm not quite ready to blog about our fertility struggles yet, but I'm getting there.

    Emily
    www.houseintheheights.blogspot.com

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  13. Hello, just found your blog and sorry to hear you are struggling in the getting prego dept. I have struggled myself, but not quite in the same way. My husband and I had the plan to have kids right away when we got married in 2008, we actually stopped even using protection months earlier and didn't care if it happened sooner. Well 2 years later we finally when in for a check to see what is going on. Lots of testing to find out its me. To this day they aren't sure if its PCOS or not, all we know is I don't ovulate without the help of meds. We got prego with my son doing clomid and IUI but he died at 6 months gestation after having fetal surgery. Then we got prego with my daughter doing clomid and she was born at 36 weeks and 2 days, just 6 days before my scheduled c-section, when my uterus ruptured. She died 2 days later. We now have done IVF and have a gestational carrier carrying our baby. We are 34 weeks right now. If you ever need info on IVF or getting a carrier let me know. It has been a long bumpy crazy sad road, but I hope for the best for you both.

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  14. Hello,

    Stumbled upon your blog on pinterest and had to comment!
    I am 21, and I know I am infertile due to PCOS, Endometriosis and a history of Cervical cancer (2 tumors cut out)

    It was comfoting to know that my rollercoaster of emotion was not unique to me!
    Thank goodness I have a very supportive (and durable to my moods) partner :)

    Whilst my future is almost demented, I wish you all the luck in the well and every inch of success with your future challenges.

    Cate
    Queensland, Australia

    xx

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  15. Teresa,

    Your words are exactly what we are experiencing. Only I have lost all my babies thus far, I've been told that I have PCOS. LIfe seems so unfair.

    Christa

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  16. Hi! I happened upon your blog, and may have been skulking a little, and saw Zoie! She is beautiful! And I feel the same bloody way about what I planned my life out to be...not quite sure how one gets here, but I sure am rooting for your family!

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  17. Hello! I am also in Oregon....can I ask who you saw as your RE??

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  18. Hello! I am also from Oregon. Can I ask who you saw as your RE?? I am seeing one in Eugene, but wondering if there is a better option out there? thanks!!

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    1. Hi there! We saw Dr. Austin - we have not been to his office for a year now. Eugene was closest to us and my OB highly recommended him as he helped get his wife pregnant. We live in Bend and there are no RE in the area. BOO!! Who are you seeing? I think IF we try again we will see OHSU - I got a second opinion at ORM and will NOT return!

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  19. Hi Teresa. I found your blog on the LFCA. I just started blogging too in an attempt to make connections with people who have been going through the same thing/similar situation as me. I have PCOS as well and rarely ever ovulate on my own. I've gone through many infertility treatments to only get pregnant once (and my dear twin boys were lost at 22.5 weeks due to some freak infection). I just wanted to wish you the best of luck. I know it isn't easy!

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