Cha - Cha - Changes!

Sometimes in order to be happy you have to take risks. I've have taken quite a few risks in my time and recently I took a one more.

As many of you loyal and loving readers know, I was unhappy at the place of work I was at and contemplating leaving because I didn't like all the drama and instability; I like it when policies and procedures are enforced all the way across the board, not just enforced when the mood is right.  I like to be around honest, hardworking people who play well with others and who have drive to be part of the solution- not the problem. Since that was not something the office could provide me with (a happy place to work), I had enough and on July 9th, I put in my two week notice. 

There was a moment when I was completely stressed and was panicking about what I was going to do for income since I decided to leave prior to getting another job, but then I started talking to people, applying for jobs and setting up interviews and things quickly started looking up; on July 15th, I was offered a position with a well established, well know dermatology office that I used to work for 10+ years ago! Mike was never worried about me getting a job; he said I would get one with little effort; he was right. 

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My family has been in town from California so I have been spending a lot of time with them outside enjoying this amazing weather! My sister and her two kids were here last week and were a huge support while I was transitioning. They kept me busy and laughing. This week my brother is here with his three kids and his sweet wife. I will be occupied with them until Sunday morning when Mike and I take off for some much needed camping!

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Mike and I have slowly started talking about embryo adoption- or donation. We are just bouncing ideas and thoughts off one another at this point so I can't say which way we are leaning... if at all, but we are talking about trying and that just goes to show we may never give up our dream even though there may be times we choose to focus more on ourselves and the life we have. 

Finally, with that being said, I have also started a new blog- a blog focused more toward our life after infertility. I want a place where I can express our love for this sweet and sour life. I will probably use it more for life posts.... like this one and the post that prompted it. I know there are nosy people out there that want to dig up dirt and this way they don't have to search too hard... all the dirt about my life, my thoughts and my feelings will all be in one place and easy to find; and they won't have to filter through CM updates, ovulation test results and infertility thoughts to find the "dirt" they really want. :-)

Updates

I thought I'd update you guys with what's been going down in my "so called life""

Let's go back to May 4th. Of course, it wouldn't have been National Infertility Survival Day without my period.Yep, I started my period on that same day!  However, this is the second month in a row that I have had a 28 day cycle and I am seeing that as a good thing; not to mention I knew it was coming, so it was not a complete surprise. I have the same symptoms every single cycle. It starts with a low back and hip pain, then the tender breasts, followed by the bloat, and then the lovely AF arrives.

Mike gets more excited about my regular cycles than I do! I asked him if we wanted to start trying again- using the temp method and ovulation strips. His response? "I am always ready to have sex.... until the forth day." HA HA! I am not sure how much monitoring I want to do since it seems to stress me out even more, but I am down to try - planning it around the symptoms I feel. I mean, we've tried the basal temp method and ovulation strips for how long now with out any luck.... all we can do it hope at this point.

Now, let me fill you in on my J. O .B situation. I decided to stick it out with the new doctors for a little longer. That does not mean that things have improved for me- if anything they have gotten more uncomfortable up front between the "office manager" and myself. I am a pretty outgoing, happy, friendly person who likes to make everyone feel welcome. When I talk with the "manager" I don't get anywhere. The other day I asked her if it was cold outside when she came back from lunch.... I asked because 1) she never talks unless spoken to and 2) there was another co-worker sitting up front with me and I wanted her to hear how the "manager" spoke to me! It was a real eye opener for the assistant sitting next to me... the reply I got was a very stern, uninterested "Yup". The assistant looked at me in awe; she later called me to ask if that is how I am talked to on a daily basis. The answer I gave her? Yup.

During my review my bosses told me how much they loved they way I interacted with the patients and that they were happy I chose to stay. They also made a comment about my personality that has left me feeling uneasy; they said I have a "strong personality". I am not sure if it is a good thing or a bad thing. They think that my personality is the cause for my frustrations at times; that I get emotionally involved in both the gossip and or drama that happens in the office because I don't want to make anyone mad or have anyone upset with me and it also may be the reason I take things personally. Maybe they are right. But, is having a strong personality a bad thing?

Mike thinks she is trying to make me miserable so I will quit and that's not going to happen. I will leave because I want to leave; not because someone wants to push me out-- good luck, lady. That tactic won't work on this "strong personality"!

Ugh.
Anyways....

The seasons are changing and I love it. I am a total sunshine and blue skies kinda gal so I have been busy planning out our summer trips! We decided against the "luxury camping" for our anniversary because of the horrible customer service I received when trying to book our stay. So, instead.... we are headed to Glacier National Park for a camping/backcountry backpacking trip!! We have had the Zion and GNP on our bucket list and we have decided to start with Montana. People tease me because I have never been out of the country and my reply is this " America has so many amazing placed that I have yet to see, why do I need to leave the country to experience beauty and relaxation?"

Although, I am getting my passport for this trip- since we may head into Canada since we will be on the border which means a tropical vacation is just around the corner. We might try to plan a camping/backpacking trip in Costa Rica or Hawaii. I am totally fine with that kind of travel- I love being semi-adventurous! But, that will be a year or so away. For now, we are focusing on Montana and making it a trip of a lifetime!

This is our first backpacking trip and I was surprised how difficult it was to obtain a back country permit! I have been all over chat groups and community boards seeking any advice I can get! Most people agree that because we are going after "peak season"
we should be able to get our permit and a campsite fairly easy; if we arrive at the ranger stations early enough! It takes about 3 months to plan a trip like this and it is a lot process. We are still trying to decide which trails we want to go on and what sites we can't miss. I think the plan is to find a base camp for a few nights in a primitive spot and then spend a night or two in the backcountry. We will ease our way into backpacking this way.



All I know is this: I CAN'T WAIT!!

Yesterday was Mother's Day and I survived! It was a great day actually. We spent the morning at my mom and dad's house with two of my sisters, their husbands and kids, and my mother in law. I love it when we all get together; especially when we all get together at my parent's house.  It always feels like home. After breakfast we decided to take the dogs for a walk since the weather was so nice.
We loaded up around noon and drove up to Lava Butte- about 13 miles from home to an old cinder cone that erupted many years ago. It was a nice 4 miles walk around the lava beds and up the butte for a great first day of training for GNP!

Oh, geesh- I totally forgot to tell you about Mike's birthday weekend! Here is a photo recap of that amazing weekend!! We went to the Redwoods in California, Gold Beach, Oregon and then wine tasting in Southern Oregon.

Hwy 101 south of Gold Beach

We loved this beach!

Our favorite spot... The Smith River

Turtle love in the Redwoods (turtles are fertility good luck)

High in the Trees on the SkyTram

Awe, I love you, too!

The mountain men

Ha, Mike is wearing the same outfit as Paul!

Wine tasting at Fiasco Vineyards

The guy likes wines (sometimes)

Such a beautiful view! (the vineyard- not me!)

My amazing husband all vino-ed out

Have you ever been to Glacier National Park?

Have you ever been on an extended backpacking trip? 

Do you think a strong personality is a bad thing or a good thing-- or inbetween? 

BCP Blues and Other News

I wanted to stop in and quickly apologize for my outburst of a post yesterday.

Thank you for all of you who read my post and who snapped me back into reality. I still can't say what way I lean, because I just don't know. My faith is being truly tested right now. Maybe this is just one more of life's lessons that I have to work through; learning to juggle the good the bad and the ugly.

This exact thing happened to me the last time I went on BCP. They really mess with my thoughts and emotions. I start to doubt everything and everyone and my "faith" goes out the window. The last time this happened, Sharon, suggested I look to antidepressants. I did not entertain that idea, not even for a minute. Many years ago I was on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds; when I was on them I was even less myself. I felt nothing. However, I was in an abusive relationship and in a very unstable environment so I am sure that played a huge part in the way they worked, or didn't work. Regardless, those type of medications will never be found in my medicine cabinet; they just aren't for me. Besides, I' m not staying on the BCP anyways, so this soon shall pass. 

I am too happy to be this damn sad.

On to other things really quick...

I am doing much better after my surgery. But, I do have to go back on the 12th of April for the real deal. The last procedure I had done was just to remove the infection. Now we have to go back and remove the root cause. Fun stuff.

The surgery falls on CD 27. I will be on pain meds (again) and antibiotics (again) so the next Femara cycle might have to be pushed back. I am not sure what problems, if any, the drugs could cause.

I should call my RE and talk to them, huh?

I have been off of work for 2 weeks now, and that may have something to do with my bad mood. I am loving the time off, but I feel some what out of sorts without a job. I do have the lead on the W/Thurs position at the dentist office, if I want it, but with the surgery and stuff, I am not in any rush. Plus, I am totally going to be one of those people who enjoys some unemploymentment for a minute or two. Why not? I deserve it. Besides, DH said I had to find a job a really wanted not JUST any job.

Now, I will ask that you send some good vibes to a few people I hold close in heart.

* My sister injured her calf a couple weeks ago. They just found out that she has a small clot in her leg. Please send positive thoughts (or prayers) to her, that she recovery quickly.

* Risa over at "Who Shot Down My Stork" just got another BFN. We all know how painful those can be, so please swing over and send her some good cheer.

* Wishing on a Snowflake really needs some love today too. She just found there was not a heartbeat at 9w1d. I am saying lots of prayers for her today. My heart broke when I read the news.

On a positive note--

* Katie at Non Sequitur Chica just got her BFP! I feel partially responsible since she was wearing the lucky socks my DH picked out and that I sent her! I am sure she would love some love!

*Heather at "I Should B..." started blogging again and would love more followers. Please visit her blog by clicking here.