I am experiencing my usual 2WW symptoms. I looked back at my journals for 2012, and my previous Femara cycles, and I noticed that from about DPO 8-15, I experience: low back aches, cramping, increased cervical mucus, bloat, and heartburn. I must say that this time the heartburn really stands out, though. I am bloated from the elevated progesterone and I could have increased cramping, as per my nurse.
I am not getting my hopes up. The only time I let myself believe that we were going to get a BFP was the first time we tried with injections. I swore it was going to work. Obviously, it did not pan out. Since then, I just kinda try to remain numb until test day or AF comes. I deal better in denial, I suppose.
There are lots of new pregnancy announcements going on around me. I think it's great! Some of the women I know have been battling infertility for too long, so I am thrilled they finally got that BFP!! As much as it gives me hope, it makes me mad. Mad at my own body. Mad that our time is still unknown. Mad that I try to do everything right and yet, we still fail. I know that those are selfish feelings. But, infertility is a Bitch; and she will change you. She will make you cynical, envious, jealous, angry, frustrated and impatient. She will cause you great despair and heart ache. It is just not fair. But, truly, even though I battle these emotions at times; I am really happy for those who get their happy ending!
They deserve it.
Our book is not complete yet. We are not done fighting!
Yes there are a lot of pregnancy announcements. But yet, there are a lot that are also getting BFN's and a few losses. The world of IF just plain sucks!!! IF certainly is a Bitch for sure. Yet we keep fighting the fight. We keep congratulating those that get their babies. And I still love hearing and reading about them, even if it does bring me a little sorrow at the same time. I am hoping that I will soon be reading about YOUR BFP too!! Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amber. I think its just like buying a new car.... Once you buy it, you see it everywhere. Does that make sense? I have to stay positive that my time will come. Thanks for your kind words!
DeleteHoping and keeping my fingers crossed for you. Infertility is so hard because on one hand we all have the ultimate goal of getting pregnant, but the flip side is the feelings from others who now don't know what to think about another woman's BFP (myself included). Our time will come because we have worked WAY too hard for it not to.
ReplyDeleteInfertility has the way of bringing out sides of you that you didn't know existed, but hopefully these experiences translate into positive perspective while parenting! Fingers crossed as you approach the final days of your 2WW
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