Monday, January 7, 2013

What can you say?

Today my sister told me that after browsing my Pinterest boards she was no longer talking to me about PCOS or baby making related topics. She said it is like walking on eggshells. She doesn't know what she can or can't say to me about it.

Boy, is she right. Well, kind of. Not really. But, maybe a little.

It's not that it's a "touchy" subject, it is just that people who are not educated on the two topics tend to give the right advice at the wrong time. I  know that expressions like "it will happen" or "don't worry" are positive and meant to be inspiring, but when said at the wrong time those three simple words cut like a knife. I can't speak for all people battling infertility or PCOS, but I can speak for myself, and when I hear those words I find myself wanting to shake the person while crying out "NOOOOO, it won't! It's NOT that easy!"People who battle with infertility usually have been fighting to get pregnant for months, even years!  So, even if it may happen, we don't want to wait anymore, we want to be pregnant NOW! Don't take my disgust with the phrases personally. It's not personal. It's infertility frustration.

Please, don't get me wrong. Each day I am grateful that I have so many people in my life who are rooting for us, and who are trying to keep us positive. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel all alone in this battle. I am glad I won't ever have to experience that empty, deserted feeling.

I hope deep down my friends and family know that. I hope they know that I appreciate their cheers, prayers, and hopes, that they send our way daily. 

Going through infertility and PCOS is a hard, painful road. I am sure that some where on this road we will find our child. It just won't be easy.

I told my sister that there are things to say and things not to say. She told me that I needed to make sure I posted those things on my updates, so people knew what they were allowed to say.

My sister.

She is funny.

I love her wit, and her smart ass sense of humor. I can always count on her for a laugh. I know that if I really needed a shoulder to cry on, she would be there. She might be there cracking jokes, but I know she would be right there. I know that deep down, she understands this suffering I am going through, and I bet she would wish it away if she could, even if she won't admit it. Right, Sis? ( I know you will read this!)

So, in short here are a list of things you can/should say:
"I admire your strength"
"I can't imagine how difficult, frustrating, upsetting this must be for you"
"Any child will be lucky to have you as parents"
"We love you"
"It's okay to feel hurt, or upset"
"Don't give up"
"So does the doc have your whoo hoo memorized?"
"You inspire me"

Things NOT to say:
"It will happen, just relax"
"Go to church"
"Just go on vacation and get drunk"
"Are you sure you want kids, you can have mine"
"Let nature"
"A friend of mine once...."

DON'T SAY THIS either.... 
A guy came into our office the other day and we started talking about fertility- not sure why.  He told me that I needed to have my cards read. He said that he and his wife were having problems too, so they had a reading done and one card said they needed to "fertilize" the earth. So... he said he went outside and did his biz on the ground and that month she was pregnant. WTF. First off, I don't want to hear that, or see you gesture "doing your biz", second... its gonna take a lot more than a card reading to get me pregnant.

You get the point?


  1. I LOVE the last ecard....I so needed that one!

  2. I had the same issues with my Mom. She's a nurse, but knew little to nothing about infertility. She would say the dumbest things, having no idea how much it hurt me. She was 19 when she had me. She had NO issues getting pregnant at all and couldn't understand why my husband and I had to go through so much to get where we are today.

    Today, she acts like it's no big deal that we got pregnant. I am thankful for my little girl growing with me every day and count it as one of my greatest blessings.

    I wish I could say that more people are understanding, but sometimes our family members are the worst!


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