I did lose a couple followers after that post and that saddened me but then I realized that those are only a couple readers. My words and my blog are important to many more than that. This is my blog and I started it to help me down this path. I have to be as honest as I can here. Sadly, that means that I may offend some people and that is something I can not control. I can only hope that my honesty helps more than those I offend.
Losing the followers did sting a bit but what stung more is reading a post from a fellow blogger who was recently "evicted" from a "support group" for being negative and bitter. Reading her post made me heartsick. I don't know all the details but I know that the eviction was uncalled for and it made me think about what a good support group entails and how thankful I am to have readers who offer me so much support during my "moments".
Infertility is heartless disease or disorder. It doesn't care how you feel, what you want, or how badly you want it. I know that when I meet people of that character I feel bitter, angry and hurt towards them. So, why wouldn't I feel that way about something that is causing me so much grief? As you read in my previous post, I am bitter, at times. Am I a bitter woman? No.
In order to support someone I believe that you must allow them to feel their way through things. I don't believe it is good to enable a person to dwell in the negativity or bitterness but it is good to allow them to feel it, voice it, and then offer a brighter view. Nothing infuriates me more than when someone tries to invalidate my feelings or who make me feel worse than I already do. I am not sure I know of anyone who enjoys feeling bitter, alone and jealous. So to ostracize them for having the courage to voice those feeling has to feel pretty damn shitty.
Which leads me to this: If you are going to support someone, then support them. Help them feel like they are not alone or that they are not a bad person for feeling that way. We ALL have felt moments, days, weeks, months or even years of complete failure and heartache. To say that we never get annoyed or jealous when we see people who have what we want, well, to me that is just a blatant lie.
I started my PI support group because I know what is it like to only be heard sometimes. I believe that in this struggle we need to be heard all the time. Good or bad. I wanted a place where all forms of infertility: the good, the bad, and the ugly are all welcome, supported and accepted. Of course, I have no intention of letting the group become a complete bitch fest but, I do want people to feel safe enough to voice their thoughts, comfortable enough to do so, and confident that they will get the simple "Hugs" or "thinking of you" comment to help them through the day.
Sometimes it's hard to express how we really feel. Some of us have a lot of pride and don't want to be seen as a "complainer" other's need help on learning how to process those feelings and the guilt that comes with them. Which is why I want to know that...
You can always lean on me.