Monday, September 16, 2013

Guest Post: A Little Love For a Room That I Hate

I was so happy when I got an email from Emily over at House in the Heights asking if she could be a guest blogger on my page.  Emily is battling infertility and while most of her close family and friends know about their struggle, she hasn't really opened up about it publicly. I loved her post and I am sure you all will too!

A Little Love For a Room That I Hate....

Heyyyy!! (Imagine that in a sing-song voice, because that's TOTALLY how I say it). I'm Emily, and I blog over at House in the Heights.  Primarily, I write about home decor, DIY, and things that I find generally fabulous. However, there's one part of my home (and my life) that is decidedly un-fabulous, and that is our spare bedroom aka The Nursery That Wasn't.

Yeah. Underneath all that talk of fulfillment through recipes, my love of pop-culture, and making our home beautiful (and I DO find those things incredibly fulfilling!) lies a girl whose been dying to have a family of her own for years.  More than three years, to be more accurate, and we've tried it all except the big one.  IVF. Coming early 2014. I think.  It's kind of scary to commit to that.  And although I haven't been writing about my infertility throughout the past three-plus years, I've been doing a lot of reading.  Because you are my people that GET IT, and listening to the journeys, celebrating the victories, and mourning the losses of people like many of you who are willing to publicly write about such a private struggle is what really keeps me from feeling so completely alone.  So if sharing this post helps someone else who is feeling lost, then I've made the right decision.

I could write for days about the details of our journey, but I'll just sum it up into a string of words that you, my people, will understand.  Annovulation, miscarriage, PCOS, Clomid, Metformin, Lupron, Follistim, Ovidrel, IUI's, BFN's, chemical pregnancy. And let's not forget failure, grief, envy, depression, and bitterness.  Or hope. Because there's always hope.

So anyway, spending the last three-plus years in perpetual 'I'll be pregnant any day now' mode has resulted in The Nursery That Wasn't.  There's no freaking way I'm putting time, energy or money (Hello?  Do you KNOW what fertility meds and treatments cost when they aren't covered by insurance? I do.) into making that room anything other than a nursery when 'I'll be pregnant any day now'.  So instead, we did nothing to that room.  No paint, no purchasing furniture or accessories, nothing. I've basically punished it for not being a nursery by refusing to allow it to be anything else. We just put all our mismatched stuff in there and allowed it to function as my husbands closet, since I dominate the master bedroom closet space. With the exception of vacuuming and dusting, I can literally not go into that room for weeks at a time.  I hate it in there.

Terrible picture, but would YOU want to spend time in here?!

But lately, I've been thinking about starting to move this room closer to the nursery it someday hopes to become.  I even painted the walls a pale gray, and did a striped accent wall (if you want details on that, its coming soon at House in the Heights...stay tuned!)  I have an old desk that I'm planning to re-purpose into a changing table.  I'm learning to accept that I may not be able control if and when I get pregnant, but I can control what this room looks like.  I can control the fact that when our baby arrives, whenever and however that may be, it will have a stylish place in our home.  And right now, not feeling so out of control feels good.

Besides....maybe if I build it, they will come?? 

 photo signature_zps64b784cd.jpg


  1. Emily, thanks for stepping out of the IF closet to share a part of your story with us. I know exactly what IF treatments are like without insurance coverage. It sucks, to put it bluntly. I don't think the room looks that bad at all at least it's clean! Our 'nursery' is full of junk, but now we finally (after 14 years ttc) get to turn it into real nursery. But first... A little unhoarding to do! Good luck to you! I like the "if we build it, they will come" philosophy.

  2. Ha! I'm sure hoping they will come for you Emily! Thanks for reminding us all that there are even MORE of us out there, those who might not blog or share publicly, but who are reading along, nodding at the right moments, and who just "get it". I'm so sorry you're in the sisterhood, but I hope you feel at home! Wishing you the very best on your upcoming IVF... I'm looking at early 2014 IVF too... cycle sisters?!?!

  3. Our "nursery to be" is a cluttered junked up room. I can barely stand to walk through the door. There are boxes of baby items I bought when we started trying. There are other boxes that from moving that we've never bothered to unpack. It's sorta like the room of lost dreams. But we're also hoping for an IVF cycle in early 2014. So maybe it's time to begin decluttering the nursery and bringing order to an overly chaotic situation. Good luck Emily and Amanda! Hopefully we'll all have our dreams answered in 2014.

  4. I love it "If you build it..."!!

    I don't have any insurance coverage when it comes to IF either and it sucks, big time! Best of luck!

  5. Love this!! What a wonderful attitude :) wishing you the very best!!

  6. Thanks for the post Emily. I love the " if they build it they will come" part. I tried this on my husband and he said it was " putting the cart before the horse". Lol I hope it works for you. Imean it works in the movies so why not real life? :-)

  7. Thanks so much for this post! I love the last sentence. You have a great, funny way of writing. You've definitely got a new blog follower here! Best of luck to you on your early 2014 IVF!!

  8. Oh my goodness - I LOVE this post because I can TOTALLY relate to it. I have one of those rooms, too, that I hate. It's our 2nd spare bedroom that I've done NOTHING to, because I can't imagine anything in there other than a crib and changing table and all things baby :( xoxo

  9. Thank you for your sweet comments and words of support, ladies! I appreciate the support. Teresa, thanks again for having me! I look forward to hearing more of your journey and connecting with some of your wonderful followers :)

  10. Emily, I could never understand what you are going through but I am SO HAPPY you found a community of people who DO and that it helps you. I totally support your decision to start making the room whatever you want it to be.

  11. Aw I like this! I hope that preparing the room does tempt a little sticky baby to come along!

  12. I can so feel your pain... How horrible it is to see a room that you had such different hopes for. I can relate, in a way, although it is much different. We have a guest room in my house that we labeled the "recovery room" because that is where we kept our cat after he had his tail amputated due to cancer. He lived a year after, and when it was time to say goodbye the vet put him to sleep in that room. Whenever I enter that room I cry..

    Happy ICLW

    To celebrate the publication of my book, Dangled Carat, I have a blog tour going on and a giveaway on my blog to celebrate the publication (autographed book, $25 Victoria Secret Gift Card, Sandi Rose CD) - I'd love if you can check it out...


Thanks for visiting my blog! Be sure to leave some comment love!