I appreciate the fact that this couple KNOWS exactly what they want. I never stopped to think about the stuff she gets told about having a family. Just like infertiles don't want to hear "Relax, it will happen", people who truly have no desire for kids don't want to hear "Oh, you will change your mind".
I want to thank my sister for being so open and willing to post her view on my blog. And I also want to thank everyone in advance for the kind comments that will be left for her.
Childfree- The Life For Me
by: Princess Peach
I am almost 30 years old, have been happily married for over 11 years and have absolutely no desire to have children. None. Zilch. Nada.
I didn’t always feel that that way. I grew up thinking I would have four kids (when you grow up having nine siblings, four seemed like a small family). I always wanted to be a young mom, so I could be the “cool” Mom. I got married young, at the age of 18, and all of that desire to have a child, went away. I honestly think that most people grow up thinking that the way of life, is to get married and then… have kids. I didn’t know anyone growing up that was childless, by choice.
When I really stopped to think about it, I realized there was nothing wrong with being unconventional and not having children of my own. I think if more people stopped to think about what they really wanted and didn’t rush into having babies, then more people would be childless, like me.
I like being married and having it be just the two of us. We have fun together and it is stress free. There is no fighting over who is going to watch the kids. Who is going to clean up after them and frankly, we have a lot more money in the bank then we would if we had children. I like having my alone time and quite time. I cringe at the sound of children crying or toddlers whining. The constant running and moving and tugging- it’s just not for me. I would much rather have a house full of dogs and cats. Meowing and barking don’t bother me.
I know that last paragraph probably made it sound like I hate kids, which I don’t. I have a lot of nieces and nephews and I love each and every one. Do I want to baby sit them all the time? No. However, it feels great to get a nice, soft hug from my youngest nephew and the handmade card that my 6 year niece made me, when my dog died, is one of my most cherished possessions. I do love them… but I may only like them when they are on their best behavior. ;)
Over the last couple of years, I have read many, many lists of what not to say to someone with infertility. If you are wondering why I follow the infertility world, it’s because my sister struggles with it, which is unfortunately why she is currently living childfree. Yes, while my sister does everything to try and have a baby… I am doing everything to make sure I don’t! Back to my point- I thought this would be a great time to make a list of my own. So here it goes…
“What NOT to say to someone who doesn’t want children”
1- “You will change your mind.” People would be offended if I told them that
they would change their mind about wanting kids. Just because you want
them, doesn’t mean that I do.
2- “There will be no one to take care of you, when you are old.” Listen up
people! I have worked in a nursing home before and majority of those long
term residents rarely had their children visit them.
3- “You are selfish.” Why? Because I am not stimulating the economy by
creating more taxpayers? Sometimes the reasons that people have children
are more selfish than the reasons why people don’t. People have kids for
tax write offs, to save marriages, to fill a void in their own life.
4- “You have no compassion.” No, I don’t ooh and aww over babies. That
does not make me a bad person. I ooh and aww over puppies! I volunteer
walking dogs at the shelter. I also give money to the homeless guy on the
street, help out people who look like they are need and make sure to spend
that extra time talking to the kids at school, who look like they don’t have
5- “Your life will not be fulfilled.” Obviously my life is so incredibly fulfilling
right now, that I don’t need or want a baby to make it better.
6- “Dogs are not kids.” Bulls***. Until you have experienced the bond that I
had with my dog, then don’t even try to imagine what it felt like when I lost
him. He was my baby. I loved him, worried about him, hated leaving him
when I went on vacation and was devastated when he died. It’s been 9
months since I said goodbye and I still cry when I think about him.
7- “Why don’t you want kids?” I don’t think it is fair for you to ask me to
justify my own personal feelings. Do you really want me to tell you that I
don’t like crying babies? I think this is a better question to ask someone
who wants to start a family, because it is a bigger choice to bring a child
into this world, than to not. Why do you want kids?
I understand that I am the minority when it comes to my choice. That’s ok. I am not looking for anyone’s approval or acceptance. I am just asking that you do not judge my character, based on the fact that I choose to live childfree. I don’t judge women for their desire to want to be a mother. I do, however, judge you if you bring a child into this world that you cannot afford, or into an unstable household, full of hate. That my friends, is selfish.