Guest Blogger: The Other Woman

I received this post from a fellow blogger that wishes to remain anonymous as they are not ready to tell friends and family of their own that they are going to start trying for a baby. I appreciate the honesty she brings to this post. I hope you do, too.

The Other Woman

I'm the woman you hate. Fertile Myrtle. Pregnant four times in my late teens and in my early twenties.  Unmarried teenage welfare mother who didn't deserve to be so lucky while you are a solid couple, stable in your career and financially able to raise a child.

My children are now almost grown: 16 and 21.  I have long left the addictive dysfunctional relationship that spawned these two great kids.  At 24, I was done with childbirth I thought. I never wanted more than two, now I had one of each, a boy and a girl.  I persuaded my doctor to tie my tubes when my daughter was born - “Cut, Tie & Cauterize!” I told him, “make sure those puppies don't come undone or let any future swimmers swim past”. After two illegitimate births and four unintended pregnancies he didn't put up much of an argument, though he did ask the perfunctory questions of “what if you meet someone else someday who wants kids” or “what if something happens to one of your children?”  Simple I thought, you can't just replace a child with another, and whether I met someone who wanted kids didn't matter, because I didn't.  Raising kids on your own is not easy and to be perfectly honest, I don't regret getting my tubes tied.  Because of my ease of getting pregnant, even while using birth control, I know I would have gotten knocked up again, probably by another of the loser alcoholics I seemed to attract.

But, now I am 40 1/2 and nearly 2 years ago I met my future husband.  We are now the solid couple, career stable and financially able.  He's 3 years old than me and has never had children, though he's coached kids in sports for many years.  He will be a great dad.  When we met, I was upfront with not being able to have, nor want, more children and he was okay with that.  He had reached a point in his life where he figured he would probably not have them.  Now, as I approach peri-menopause, and my children are leaving home to start their own lives,I have baby fever.  It's now or never; those eggs are drying up.  For a while, I figured I would just wait for grandbabies.  Then an odd thing happened on the way to adulthood - both my children are gay.  This doesn't mean, of course, that they will never have children, but it will be a long time coming.  My future hubby and I had a discussion last week and decided we would not pursue having a baby together, we were getting older, this was our time together to travel to do what we wanted, etc. etc.  But, I kept thinking about it, I saw babies everywhere, my mind obsessed on this thing I couldn't let go.  So, I told him I changed my mind.  The huge grin and the tearing up of his eyes confirmed that this is our path.  We are now beginning the process of getting my tubes reversed.  It's not definite yet, we don't know about my egg reserve, or his fertility, or the condition of my tubes.  If it's not possible, we will accept that and embrace what we have together.  

For those of you struggling to conceive your first child, I do understand the desire and some of the heartache you must feel.  I know you may view me as selfish or greedy, and I'm sorry.