We are going through the domestic process now after three failed out-of-pocket IVF attempts. The money part just makes me sick all the time. It just makes my heart hurt. WTF the indeed.
Thank you for posting this. Next time someone cheerily reminds me that we "can always adopt!" I'll bring this up on my phone say, "Great idea. Can I borrow $29,000?"
I just had a conversation with my husbands cousin who just adopted a child from the state of WA. If you adopt through the state you have to become a licensed foster parent and jump through all those hoops first. She claims it isn't hard but she has been in the foster care system a long time and has connections. You can request to only have kids placed in your home who have a very high chance of being released to the state for adoption. You can be specific about gender, age etc. There is always a chance that it may fall through and they will go back to their biological family so that is an emotional risk. Basically 100% of the time the reason they are so close to being released to the state for adoption is because they are coming from really shitty situations, mostly involving serious domestic violence and or drugs. So your baby/child is either coming to after being born on drugs or is coming from an abusive home where they were either abused or neglected or they witnessed horrible acts in the house. The up side is these kids are FREE. And the state pays for all medical care until they are 18 and they get money for college. My husbands cousin is obviously a huge supporter of going this route and it's nice to know she could help us with the paperwork etc. I just don't know if I have it in me to deal with all the unknowns and possible heartbreak of loving a child for X amount of time but then have it get taken from me. My husbands cousin has had this happen 3 times.
Yes- I believe it is the same here in Oregon. I was directed to the Northwest Adoption Exchange. It was so sad to SEE the children needing homes. One was a family of 6-- yes SIX! Ages from 12-0yrs! WTH!?! All six are up for adoption. I just couldn't get over that one woman had SIX kids up for adoption.... UGH!!! SIX!!!!! I am not sure I want to be a foster parent. The heartbreak is too much- and we have had our fair share of that already! Private adoption is insane and sadly- most of the private adoption kids come from the state anyway!
We had this same sticker shock earlier thus year. For us,shared-risk IVF (6 cycles) will most likely cost the same or even a bit less than adoption. Either way, it's hugely expensive (and unfair). I want to punch people who tell us to 'just adopt'.
It's so sad. There are so many kids around the world who need homes, and couples who are willing to give them homes yet the cost holds so many people back those kids just stay in orhpanages. The system is so screwed up.
Yes! Adoption is baby selling, except only the government and lawyers make money. It's annoying. As for folks who drop the adoption gem on me, I cross them off the friends list. I cut 'em off. A former friend and her husband said that to me, I haven't socialized with them since. She asked me why. I told her she needs to watch how she speaks to people. I'm tired of people's stupid comments. They need to think before they speak.
Another aspect of adoption - if it falls through, you are out all the money you have spent to that point. I just learned this recently. It seems so incredibly unfair not to have some sort of "insurance" in place. For domestic adoptions, should the birth mom change her mind, you have paid all the medical expenses, etc. and don't get any of it reimbursed.
Adoption is getting crazy expensive!
ReplyDeleteIt is. Such a money market... And selling babies is illegal?
DeleteI bet that would make people think twice about using that line once the numbers are in front of your face!! Nice post.
ReplyDeleteThanks! It isn't as easy as people think! And not everyone wants to be a foster parent!
DeleteTell me about it. If we adopt we can only adopt one child because of the cost :(
ReplyDeleteUGH! I got your email. Thank you!
DeleteThe cost to have a child is insane... and yet- it is so easy for some... WTH!?
We are going through the domestic process now after three failed out-of-pocket IVF attempts. The money part just makes me sick all the time. It just makes my heart hurt. WTF the indeed.
ReplyDeleteAfter all those failed IVFs it must be hard to move forward not knowing...
DeleteThank you for posting this. Next time someone cheerily reminds me that we "can always adopt!" I'll bring this up on my phone say, "Great idea. Can I borrow $29,000?"
ReplyDeleteYes, Do! Share this!
DeleteCrazy. Gee, wonder why all IF couples don't just ADOPT!?
ReplyDeleteRight? I mean it is so easy and all...
Deletewow!! that is crazy
ReplyDeleteCrazy indeed and sad
DeleteI just had a conversation with my husbands cousin who just adopted a child from the state of WA. If you adopt through the state you have to become a licensed foster parent and jump through all those hoops first. She claims it isn't hard but she has been in the foster care system a long time and has connections. You can request to only have kids placed in your home who have a very high chance of being released to the state for adoption. You can be specific about gender, age etc. There is always a chance that it may fall through and they will go back to their biological family so that is an emotional risk. Basically 100% of the time the reason they are so close to being released to the state for adoption is because they are coming from really shitty situations, mostly involving serious domestic violence and or drugs. So your baby/child is either coming to after being born on drugs or is coming from an abusive home where they were either abused or neglected or they witnessed horrible acts in the house. The up side is these kids are FREE. And the state pays for all medical care until they are 18 and they get money for college. My husbands cousin is obviously a huge supporter of going this route and it's nice to know she could help us with the paperwork etc. I just don't know if I have it in me to deal with all the unknowns and possible heartbreak of loving a child for X amount of time but then have it get taken from me. My husbands cousin has had this happen 3 times.
ReplyDeleteYes- I believe it is the same here in Oregon. I was directed to the Northwest Adoption Exchange. It was so sad to SEE the children needing homes. One was a family of 6-- yes SIX! Ages from 12-0yrs! WTH!?! All six are up for adoption. I just couldn't get over that one woman had SIX kids up for adoption.... UGH!!! SIX!!!!!
DeleteI am not sure I want to be a foster parent. The heartbreak is too much- and we have had our fair share of that already! Private adoption is insane and sadly- most of the private adoption kids come from the state anyway!
Wow. That's all I've got.
ReplyDeleteSad, isn't it.
Deletejust had to put my eyeballs BACK into my head. GEEZ that's ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteSo sick! Baby buying/selling? That is all it is. The government can do it... but no one else!
DeleteWe had this same sticker shock earlier thus year. For us,shared-risk IVF (6 cycles) will most likely cost the same or even a bit less than adoption. Either way, it's hugely expensive (and unfair). I want to punch people who tell us to 'just adopt'.
ReplyDeleteUgh- it is so sickening! I know that we WILL pursue IVF before adoption... even if it fails, I need to try everything I can to have MY OWN baby---
DeleteIt's so sad. There are so many kids around the world who need homes, and couples who are willing to give them homes yet the cost holds so many people back those kids just stay in orhpanages. The system is so screwed up.
ReplyDeleteYes! Adoption is baby selling, except only the government and lawyers make money. It's annoying. As for folks who drop the adoption gem on me, I cross them off the friends list. I cut 'em off. A former friend and her husband said that to me, I haven't socialized with them since. She asked me why. I told her she needs to watch how she speaks to people. I'm tired of people's stupid comments. They need to think before they speak.
ReplyDeleteAnother aspect of adoption - if it falls through, you are out all the money you have spent to that point. I just learned this recently. It seems so incredibly unfair not to have some sort of "insurance" in place. For domestic adoptions, should the birth mom change her mind, you have paid all the medical expenses, etc. and don't get any of it reimbursed.
ReplyDeleteAnn I hate when people say this to us- "we'll if treatments don't work you can just adopt" Right.
ReplyDelete