Tuesday, June 11, 2013

This Post Has No Name

Sorry about my horribly nasty and negative post a couple days ago. I forget sometimes that I should process things before vomiting my emotions all over everyone.

After I wrote the bitchy post I decided to make myself a juice, read some blogs, and burn off some negativity. I might have woken up in bad mood but I didn't have to stay that way. And I didn't.
I was going to do 30, then 45, then decided 60 would do.
Spinach, celery, cucumber, lime (rind included), ginger, carrot, grape, pineapple, strawberry. 
I am a little saddened every time I see my chart, but then I try and remind myself two things. One, I ovulated on my own and that right there is a great accomplishment. Two, this was suppose to be our rest time, a time to let go of the pressure and stress of ttc. 

After I wrote the post I felt like a real ass. I mean, I have read numerous blog posts or articles about the evil TI and IF from the man's perspective. I've heard it straight; I have even shared the writings with Mike so that he knew, that I knew, we were not alone and so that he knew it wasn't just him; but he already knew that. He never takes anything personal. So, after I burned off some frustration on the elliptical for 64 minutes I regrouped and accepted that it was what it was... and even though our chances are slim, there's still a chance.

Anyone who has been ttc knows that there is nothing worse than the dreaded TI. I think I hate it more than the 2WW. There is so much more pressure involved than one might imagine. There's nothing spontaneous about TI. I wish I could "hide" it from the hubby, but we have been at this for far too long; he knows my cycle better than I do, I swear. I am sure that my emotions play a big part of his "knowledge" but none the less, ovulation is not something I can hide. So, it is not like I can "trick" him into sex. 
In other news, I may have a job! I say "may" because they want to see if I can learn the software and procedures of the office before they make a final offer. I went in last week and shadowed for a few hours and then returned the next day to have lunch with the staff just so that we could all get a feel for each other. After the lunch they called and asked if I would come in a work this week while the doc was out and when he gets back they will evaluate and go from there.

If I didn't know the doctor personally and if he didn't approach me about the job I am not sure I would go through all this with out the commitment of a position. But, the doctor is super cool and his staff is really great. I can also appreciate the fact that they want to make sure they hire the right person for the office and the team. I was just as picky when it came to excepting a job.

I hope that by the time we come back from California they will have a permanent position for me. We leave the 20th and return the 27th and then the office is closed for the week of July 4th, so my start date, as discussed in my "interview" or lack there of, would be the 9th.
The other great thing I like about the office is that when the doctor is gone, usually no one is on the office. I won't get paid for the weeks we don't work, of course, but I am not complaining about ANY time off! 

What else? 

Oh, I had THREE nieces graduate this past weekend from high school! Sadly, we didn't make it to any. One was in Redmond, one was in the valley, and one was in California. We decided if we couldn't go to all, we wouldn't go to one; besides, I really didn't want to sit through 2 hours of graduation anyways! They all understood.

One will be going to Cal Poly for track and getting her teaching degree, the other will be in West Virgina playing water polo and getting her masters in business, and one will be in Seattle getting her degree in ecology. I already have a nephew at UC Berkeley majoring in civil engineering and playing football and a niece at Fresno getting her bachelors! I am such a proud aunt. All 17 nieces and nephews that I have are phenomenal kids and athletes.  I have no doubt they will all go far.

Miss WV Bound- on the right
The Cal Poly Mustang (and the brother) UC Berkeley Bear

The Seattle Pacific Falcon
 My niece that is going to Cal Poly sent me a Facebook message one day that said "Auntie Teresa I must be thinking about you because I had a dream about you last night. I dreamt that God blessed you and Uncle Mike with a baby!" I guess she also told my sister (her mom) that maybe by the time she gets married we will have a baby so that our child can be in her wedding. I just love that girl. She really is amazing. I read her captions on her IG photos and get chills. She is so smart when it comes to life, love and perseverance. Seriously, the girl has drive!

Ahhh, okay I will stop braggin about my amazing family....

On the juicing front things are going well. I have a had a couple nasty drinks but I am learning. I will tell you one thing; I don't care how small of a beet I use, you can still taste that puppy. It is not my favorite. Other than that the juices are surprisingly satisfying; and it is good to know that I am finally getting the  nutrients I need. I will also be extremely honest and tell ya that I even see a difference in my stools. The juicing is beating out the metformin! Yahoo! And since I have been increasing my activity, decreasing my carbs, and the artificial sugars (which I never thought I could do) I have even dropped a few pounds already!

And last... sadly, I noticed today, that I had lost a "follower". Noticing that just goes to show that I need a job! Ha ha! Seriously though, losing followers makes me kinda sad, and yes, I do take it kind of personally, but then again, I take everything personally; just ask Mike!

I guess that is all I've got for now... I am off to study dental codes!


  1. Don't beat yourself up too much about venting. This is what this community is for. Glad you're feeling better. Congratulations on the nieces graduating. And very happy to hear that the juicing is having such a positive effect. Hang in there and I'm hoping this cycle has a very happy ending.

  2. Don't even apologize. Seriously. We have all been there, we have all had the posts where we rant and rave... IF comes with so many emotions and many of them are not pretty. So don't apologize. You deserve to have those feelings and this is why you blog, so we can support you through everything.
    I am hoping the job works out. It sounds like it would be a good one.
    Your nieces are beautiful!
    Keep up with the awesome juicing. When I finally get around to getting a juicer, I can't wait to try some :)

  3. I'm glad that you're doing well... That you were able to work through your sadness and that you're able to now see some of te positives :). Like it said, it's definitely not over.... xoxox

  4. You have nothing to be sorry about. This is a place to vent to people that understand. Congrats on the almost job!! It sounds like a good fit. I agree about TI worse than 2WW by far!

  5. What's the point of the blog if you can't complain on it? I started my blog so I didn't have to bring all my frustrations home.

    I am going to keep my fingers crossed for you for this job. Any time they take that much care and attention into finding a staff member it has got to be a good place to work. Best of luck to you!

  6. All of you juicing ladies are doing awesome! If I make it to Wal-Mart tonight I might look at juicer. It can't hurt right? However, we are supposed to get some nasty storms today so who knows. Congrats to all your family on graduation and they prestigious colleges they are going too, brag away proud auntie!

  7. There is nothing wrong with venting. Because most likely, most of your followers have felt the same way at one time or another and like to know they're not alone!!

    Also, I'm inspired by your workout... I need to get back in it! xoxo

  8. Okay first of all this has NOTHING to do with your post. When I first read your blog title " This Post Has No Name" I automatically started singing A Horse With No Name,
    I've been through the desert on a horse with no name
    It felt good to be out of the rain
    In the desert you can remember your name
    'Cause there ain't no one for to give you no pain
    La, la ...

    Okay now that I have that out of my system and a big apology for rambling I can get down to business.

    Throughout this journey we all hit very dark places that we don't want to be and sometimes it takes a little longer to come out, sometimes people don't come out. Never apologize for having a melt down, but also keep it in your mind that you are the only one who controls how you handle situations. Don't let this disease steal anything else from you. You are a strong woman and I know you will beat this.

  9. You are doing awesome with the juicing and exercise! Go you!! I noticed I lost a follower this week too...hmmmm. About the last post- totally warranted. IF is ugly and messy and emotional. I could write a book on TI, but waaaay too many family members read and I think my husband would have a heart attack :) Your nieces are beautiful and I can tell how proud an Auntie you are!!

  10. No need to apologize, girl! That is what blogging is about. It shouldn't have to be censored (unless you choose to) or only written in moments of clear sanity. We've all had moments like that, and we're here to support each other!

    A few things.

    1. Impressive that you did 64 min on the elliptical. I sadly eat when frustrated.
    2. TI sucks big time...especially as time goes on and the pressure and stress builds. I too wish I could hide the "go" days from my hubby and BD "for fun" to avoid the stress he always feels, and the depression when it doesn't end up happening because there is too much stress.
    3. You're right - your body did ovulate on its own, which is a victory in itself!
    4. Good luck with the almost job. Sounds like a great opportunity.
    5. 17 nieces and nephews, oh that sounds lovely. I wish I had a big family with lots of siblings. Hope you guys will be adding to the bunch in no time!

  11. I noticed nothing weird or bitchy about your last post. It was just honest, and we've all been there. No need to apologize at all.

    That juice looks yummy! I started yesterday - apple, grapefruit, spinach, grape, pomegranate...I think that was it. It was completely brown but still delicious. Thanks for inspiring me to start juicing again!

  12. Still haven't bought a juicer. Think I will next month for my birthday. Right now I'm doing my old diet and so far so good...lost 3.6 pounds in two days....and last night I ate a pint of Ben and Jerry's and still lost weight!
    I lost a follower this week. Wonder what is up with that?
    Hoping you get some good news soon on the ttc front.

  13. No need to apologize. This is your space and sometimes you just need to vent. Your nieces are beautiful! Cal Poly is my alma mater. Great school. Good luck with the (almost) new job!

  14. I didn't find your post bitchy either. Besides, us bloggers should be able to vent to each other. Congrats on the exercise, juicing, and results! I've lost a blogger follower here and there. I'm with you, it's hard not to take it personal. I always get super excited when I get a new follower. And now this sounds a little cultish. Haha!

  15. Thank you! I am so behind on my commenting that I am just going to put out a blanket reply! Please forgive me!

    You are all so amazing and always know just what to say! I'd be lost without you! Really.


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