Monday, June 3, 2013

Friendships

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.” ~ C.S. Lewis


Saturday I received a message from a fellow infertile and friend that her first IUI had failed. Her period greeted her while she was away from home just a couple days before she was going to take a HPT. Her message broke my heart. She not only had to deal with the let down of the failed cycle but, she also just found out that her close friend had gotten a BFP after a few months of trying. Talk about a double whammy.

After I shared the situation with my husband I let the tears fall. He gently reached over and grabbed my hand as I tried to explain why I was upset. At first, I didn't think he would understand, but surprisingly enough, he did. He too understood the pain. I forget sometimes that he is in this battle with me. He knows that these women I tell him about mean a lot to me and he knows that it is easy for me to hurt for them.

Even though it wasn't my period that started; her let down was my let down. That's what happens when I hold people close to me;  I care so much about them that their triumphs are my triumphs, their sorrows are my sorrows, their joys my joys. There's no separation for me. My best friend has always told me that I try and take care of others before myself; she says that I try to take on their burdens as my own. She is right, I do. I  wish I had a magic wand that could remove the pain from all the ones close to me. Especially the ones who are currently in the same boat that I am.

I know how deeply my infertile friends hurt when the cycle fails because I have felt that pain 40 times over as well. I know what it feels like to have your stomach drop at the sight of AF or a negative test, no matter how expected it was. I know the pain, anger, grief and helplessness my infertile friends feel when expensive treatments prove unsuccessful. I know what it's like to be bitter, envious, cold, and at times, mean, when others get a BFP. I know what it's like to want to stay in bed, get shit faced drunk,  and throw in the towel when AF shows up. Believe me, I know!

We share so many raw emotions and details with one another about our journeys to parenthood in this blogging world, that I find it is easy to build a bond with many of the women I have "met" even from behind the screen. Many of them know more about our infertility struggle, not only because I share more of our personal and private details with them, but because they too, are going through the same things; they know more because they can identify full heartedly. 

Infertility has brought so much pain, suffering and debt to my life but it has also blessed me with the opportunity to meet some amazing, strong, selfless, loving women. While I wish I  never had to go through infertility (obviously), I will always value the relationships I've built because of it. I will forever cherish the friendships and lessons I've learned in the past 3 years. Infertility has left me with so much more than just heartache and an empty womb. It has left me with an amazing amount of support, love, and friendships, and it has blessed me with a great deal of compassion.

29 comments:

  1. Beautifully written as always! I read this post with tears streaming down my face. It just hit home, and though I don't know your friend, I know her pain and yours as well.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Lovely post. I've cried to my husband several times over hearing news from my blogging friends. I feel even though we are connected by a computer, these friendships are something that goes much deeper than an online community. I feel blessed to know you all.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hugs! You are gonna be next on the BFPs! I just know it!

      Delete
  3. This is so so so so true. I hate that we have to suffer through all of the heartaches of infertility, but I'm glad our heartaches have brought us all together. xoxo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You find some of the strongest friendships blossom during the darkest times. Hugs!

      Delete
  4. I would like to second that! Finding out a fellow infertile did not get her take home baby is heart wrenching. I think bonds I've made through IF are some of the strongest friendships I have. I mean after sharing what many people consider TMI (but the IF world doesn't) why wouldn't they be. I share more with people I've never met IRL than my IRL friends. I hope after we all get our BFP that we will be able to remain friends

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For sure! IRL don't get it because they haven't been there... but I know that they care none the less. I am so grateful for all my IF and IRL friends!

      Delete
  5. This was such a well timed post! I've been thinking about Amber at Old Lady and No Baby and when I saw the title of her post today "The results are in" my thoughts went to the worse scenario first and my heart sank into my stomach. I wanted to shout "NOOOO!" My hand was shaking as I held my iphone and waited to for the page to load. Then I read her words "I knew I was pregnant since last week" I was near tears of joy! Sometimes I find that think about others cycles and results are a way to distract myself during my two week waits, or other times I feel "she's been trying longer, or has been through more tough situations, she deserves a BFP more..."
    I often feel that many of us probably would be friends in real life, IF and the internet just brings us together.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally agree. Watching and monitoring others cycles helps me to not focus on every little detail of mine; especially when my cycles don't do anything!

      I am so happy for Amber... I just really hope this baby(ies) stick!!

      Delete
  6. Aww, you're such a good friend! What a beautiful post. I feel the same way about the friends I've met. It's a deep connection. <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many of you have replaced some IRL friends ;-)

      Delete
  7. Beautifully put... I cry so often for each woman who's blog I follow religiously when they have bad news... and i get chills for anyone who gets a bfp. It is so much joy and heartbreak all in one.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We are connected in ways others may not understand.

      Delete
  8. Replies
    1. I guess that is the only good part about IF-- the friends we meet!

      Delete
  9. Matt knows about so many of the woman that I blog with and am facebook friends with

    ReplyDelete
  10. This is an amazing post. I'm so happy to have "met" you through blogging and I am so very thankful for every word of encouragement you have left me <3

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks and right back at you! You are so great with your words.

      Delete
  11. Wow this was a beautiful post and I absolutely needed to read this right now. You are so right, and thanks for reminding me. You're the best :)

    Thanks for all the support you have given me, it means so much to me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Awe! You are so awesome and I am so blessed you are apart of my life...even if it is only viral. Hugs!!

      Delete
  12. I dont know what to say...except thank you for being there for me on Sat. My husband had abandoned his phone that day and your empathy truly got me through my day. I cried when I saw you wrote a post about my situation! I feel so grateful to know you are in my corner and I hope I can return the favor!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have not been able to get you out of my thoughts. I know exactly what heartbreak you felt on Saturday. I only wish I was there to offer you a hug and shoulder to cry on.

      Delete
  13. Great post! And so true… my heart literally breaks when the girls I get close too fail. It's terrible and wonderful all at the same time. Terrible to feel that pain so often, yet wonderful to have women in the trenches along side you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Perfectly said! It is a true sisterhood.

      Delete
  14. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. While I have not fought the same battles that you have, I do understand hurting for others. So many of my fellow loss moms are still trying for their rainbows and every time they realize it wasn't their cycle, my heart hurts for them.

    Like you, I hate that there are others who understand my journey, but at the same time, I have met so many amazing women, both in real life and through blogs and an online forum and I am forever grateful to them for what they have given me.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I so agree with every word of this. Sometimes it surprises me how involved I get in the TTC stories of people I've never even met. I literally think about and pray for all of you lovely ladies throughout my day. I am so rooting for all of the women I follow. It can sometimes be hard to struggle with the emotional ups and downs that I experience when others are struggling in their journey, but it's so worth it for the community, especially because I know they are backing me up as well.

    ReplyDelete
  16. You are such a good person and a good friend. You remind me so much of my sister. She also takes on everybody else's pain and struggles as if they were her own. She is a drug and alcohol counselor, which I know you are interested in. She's one of my most favorite people in the world and you are quickly becoming someone in that catagory as well, even though we haven't actually met YET!

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for visiting my blog! Be sure to leave some comment love!