Monday, May 13, 2013

Ready. Set. Sit It Out.

Yesterday I would have started my 7th round of Femara but instead we are on sort of a break. It is sort of bittersweet for me. I know we need this break for many reasons but trying without the help of western medicine seems weird. Instead, we are going to continue to try naturally. That is, if I even ovulate or have a period again. Every time we stop treatments, including birth control, my cycles go haywire. My cycles go from 30 days to sometimes 53 days (or longer)! It is ridiculous! Then, when I call the RE with concern, they request a P4 check and it always shows some sort of ovulation, so I am forced to continue to wait it out. As if I haven't waited long enough! I swear, it is Murphy's law. Stupid Murphy.

I don't even know what cycle to call this now. Do I count from the time we started "trying" or from the time we met with the RE? Either way we are looking at over three years and four months of negative cycles. That seriously blows! Who knew that I should have won the "least likely to be a mom" award? Growing up, some parents thought I was a bad influence on their girls. I was a little boy crazy, and maybe a little sneaky, so they all thought I was going to end up pregnant at 16. HA! Little did they know that I wouldn't even be able to get pregnant at 31! If they only knew then, what I know now, I might have been able to continue some friendships; that is a whole different subject.

So, here we are, about to take on infertility by ourselves.  I know that it is pretty unlikely that we will achieve pregnancy with out the help of our doctors, but, stranger things have happened. To be honest, I am looking forward to a normal, spontaneous, sex life with my man. I mean, semi spontaneous. I will still use OPKs and I will continue to temp; because I am neurotic like that, but I have a feeling it will be more enjoyable knowing that we are not "invested" in it financially. These next cycles will be inspired by pure, raw, emotion, and desire; something I hope we still have!

We leave for Southern California in one month and I am so excited! A week of doing nothing but hanging out, lounging on the beach, eating, drinking, and whatever the heck else we want to do, sounds like a freaking great time, a much needed time! Mike deserves a break. He works so hard to give us all the things we want and need. He deserves more than just a week off. It is not enough, but it will have to do.

I hope that you don’t leave me while we take a break from fertility treatments. I promise that not all of my posts will be “life posts”. I will continue to write about my infertility journey, I will continue to purge my thoughts regarding this bitch of a battle, because we all know that our minds are consumed with IF, all day, every day, no matter where we are in the journey on the roller coaster. What you won't get from me are posts updating you with lab results, or ultrasounds or doctor's visits, but, I will post my OPKs! I need you to be just as confused with them as I am! Misery does love company!  

26 comments:

  1. We would never leave you! And I will help with the OPKs as best I can. Although, you are more of an expert than I am. Will you still be taking metformin during this time?

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    1. Thanks! I will continue the metformin and dexamathasone ;-)

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  2. I don't think any one is going anywhere! Enjoy the break! Even though I'm no longer ttc, I still enjoy interpreting OPKs and charts, so bring it on! I wouldn't want to get rusty...

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  3. I feel like taking a break can be harder or at least just as hard as cycling for an IUI or IVF. Enjoy your time in CA- we went there last year and loved it!!

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    1. I agree, it can be just as hard, if not harder. But we didn't really have a choice. Again, out of my control. Go figure. We are both from Cali originally. However, we are not from So Cal. So it's a treat, plus we get to visit his grandparents and stay with them! ;-)

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  4. Heather is right, we would never leave you!!

    I've been blogging for almost a year and the vast majority of my posts have been about my thoughts and plans because I've only actually cycled for two months. I find taking a break equally difficult and helpful. It's difficuly because I feel like I am just treading water, but helpful because it gives me lots of time to think.

    I look forward to reading your next posts :)

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    1. I am so lucky to have all of you! So many of you have replaced my Fb friends. I wish I could find more of you! ;-)

      I hate not trying, but I hate the failure too. It is a total catch 22~

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  5. Enjoy your time off!! :) I'm enjoying my time off and it's terrible at the amount of red wine I consume. I know it's bad for me in every possible way, but I abstain from alcohol while we are going through a cycle so I think the last few months I've made up for it....one glass here, another glass there! :) But I sure am enjoying this one guilty pleasure! :)

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    1. Oh... I have a bottle of red I need to try! Thanks for reminding me!!
      Cheers!!

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  6. Enjoy your break. Of course, we'll still be here!

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  7. I just started following your blog! I love the raw honesty. Enjoy your vacation and I am sure much needed break!

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    1. Welcome, Lindsey! It is a MUCH needed break!!!

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    2. Lindsey, if you have a blog- I would love to follow it!

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  8. Well I wish I was going on vacay with you cause that sounds like heaven right about now!

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  9. Enjoy Southern California, and more importantly enjoy reconnecting with your husband in a non-clinical way. There is something fun about having sex just because you want to and not because the thermometer or the doctor told you to do it. I hope that your time off from western medicine helps your body and mind heal and who knows... maybe, just maybe one will slip past the goal posts. hugs to you... i will continue to follow.

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    1. Thanks! Wouldn't that be the shit.. to get preggo on a break! Ha! Fat chance.

      I am looking forward to some real romance!

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  10. Those sitting out cycles can be frustrating and at the same time "just what you need" for you mental and emotional health. I hope you guys are preparing for your awesome vacation!

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    1. I have been a researching fool! We have decided to stay with his g-parents for the week to save money- that way we can do lots of fun activities! I want to go on a sunset cruise. I would love to see Catalina Island too! I know I want to spend lots of time on the beach with my feet in the sand!

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  11. As long as you remember to add in a little sex in your posts every once in awhile, I promise I will keep reading ;)
    Your vacation coming up sounds heavenly. You guys definitely deserve it. I'm glad you are kinda/sorta ok with this break. It IS bittersweet, but it does sound nice.

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    1. I have a sex post all written up! Don't you worry!

      Only 25 more days until we are in CALI!

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  12. Does "whatever the heck else you want" include sex on the beach? Haha! Remember me saying what a goody too shoos I feel like? Yeah well, I just remembered Hubby and I have had sex on a beach. Also on a football field while watching fireworks on 4th of July. Maybe there's a bit of rebel in me after all....

    You know I'm not going anywhere! I love to read about YOU, whether it's IF related or not. Also, I hate to break it to you, but they've already given me the Least Likely to be a Mom award. Sorry.

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    1. I actually DID think about sex on the beach-- so you never know! LOL! We tried once by a waterfall.. it didn't work out so well!!

      I am so outing you btw!

      Thanks for sticking around! I hope to see you and a pregnant belly in August!

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