22- Not The Lucky Number

We have now had a total of 22, yes, twenty two big fat negatives! Three years, four months and a week. That is how long we have been trying, and in that time, we have had to suffer the disappointment of that non existent second line TWENTY TWO times, while under the care of infertility doctors! I can't imagine how many more it would be if I hadn't taken rest cycles; add those in, and the year we spent trying before seeking professional help, and we are looking at close to 40 failed cycles!

I am a little frustrated that this cycle didn't work, but I am not surprised; I am actually quite happy with way I am coping with it. I took the test this afternoon after doing some yard work. The weather was beautiful and I was feeling really positive and happy. Since my BBT has been elevated and I am 13 DPO, I decided to go buy some HPTs and see what the result was. I did not have any feelings one way or another when I took it, although I was really hoping there would be a slight line. When I didn't see the second line, my heart didn't sink like it has 21 times before. I simply threw it away, recorded the results into my FF and went back outside. That negative wasn't going to ruin my day. Not today. Today, I was going to win. 

I am not pregnant. I will saddle up to ride this journey again, just not yet. For now, we are going to be free of doctor's visits, medications, labs, and most importantly, infertility bills! For now, we are going to enjoy the summer, the new yard, camping, beaches, vacations and family. For now, we are going to stop waiting and start living!