Ready. Set. Sit It Out.

Yesterday I would have started my 7th round of Femara but instead we are on sort of a break. It is sort of bittersweet for me. I know we need this break for many reasons but trying without the help of western medicine seems weird. Instead, we are going to continue to try naturally. That is, if I even ovulate or have a period again. Every time we stop treatments, including birth control, my cycles go haywire. My cycles go from 30 days to sometimes 53 days (or longer)! It is ridiculous! Then, when I call the RE with concern, they request a P4 check and it always shows some sort of ovulation, so I am forced to continue to wait it out. As if I haven't waited long enough! I swear, it is Murphy's law. Stupid Murphy.

I don't even know what cycle to call this now. Do I count from the time we started "trying" or from the time we met with the RE? Either way we are looking at over three years and four months of negative cycles. That seriously blows! Who knew that I should have won the "least likely to be a mom" award? Growing up, some parents thought I was a bad influence on their girls. I was a little boy crazy, and maybe a little sneaky, so they all thought I was going to end up pregnant at 16. HA! Little did they know that I wouldn't even be able to get pregnant at 31! If they only knew then, what I know now, I might have been able to continue some friendships; that is a whole different subject.

So, here we are, about to take on infertility by ourselves.  I know that it is pretty unlikely that we will achieve pregnancy with out the help of our doctors, but, stranger things have happened. To be honest, I am looking forward to a normal, spontaneous, sex life with my man. I mean, semi spontaneous. I will still use OPKs and I will continue to temp; because I am neurotic like that, but I have a feeling it will be more enjoyable knowing that we are not "invested" in it financially. These next cycles will be inspired by pure, raw, emotion, and desire; something I hope we still have!

We leave for Southern California in one month and I am so excited! A week of doing nothing but hanging out, lounging on the beach, eating, drinking, and whatever the heck else we want to do, sounds like a freaking great time, a much needed time! Mike deserves a break. He works so hard to give us all the things we want and need. He deserves more than just a week off. It is not enough, but it will have to do.

I hope that you don’t leave me while we take a break from fertility treatments. I promise that not all of my posts will be “life posts”. I will continue to write about my infertility journey, I will continue to purge my thoughts regarding this bitch of a battle, because we all know that our minds are consumed with IF, all day, every day, no matter where we are in the journey on the roller coaster. What you won't get from me are posts updating you with lab results, or ultrasounds or doctor's visits, but, I will post my OPKs! I need you to be just as confused with them as I am! Misery does love company!