The "Plan" Goes Down in Flames

I have been dreading this post. Only because I was embarrassed. Embarrassed to update you, in fear of looking like an emotional basket case who can't get things in order. Sounds silly, right? Right. I realize that life happens and that's something I can't control, therefore, I should not be embarrassed to tell you that after I posted Last Night things immediately changed. 

Literally, the day after we had a plan, I got a call with the estimate for my upcoming surgery. It is going to cost us a few (five) thousand dollars (or more). We had strategically planned out the events for the upcoming cycles based on what we had left in our HRA fund and on our "fertility" card.  We had just enough to get us through a few unmonitored cycles paired with IUIs until the HRA was reset in August. That is no longer the case. The surgery center, unlike the hospital, requires that you pay your estimated portion upon arrival or sign up for Care Credit. Since we don't want to accumulate more credit/debt, we have to sacrifice fertility treatments until this fall.

At first, I was really upset. I wasn't mad, as much as I was disappointed; but after about twenty minutes I was fine. I realized that for the past 3 years I have been racing to get pregnant and maybe these road blocks are signs that I need to slow down, "relax" and focus on something else. As much as I hate hearing "you have time", it is true. We have some time. 

I used to think that if we didn't try cycle after cycle after cycle that we would ruin our chances and now I understand that is not the case. I actually ovulate better after rest cycles. We have spent the last year and a half fighting to get pregnant instead of enjoying our newlywedness (I made that word up!). Maybe this is the time for us to slow down, back off, "relax", and just be married and in love, or maybe I am just trying to convince myself of that. Either way, it sounds good. ;-)

If I was getting BFP's then I might consider trying and trying and trying, but I am not. I am getting nothing. I am getting BFNs over and over. So, if something is not working why keep trying? I feel like we need to regroup and take some time for ourselves. 

"Taking a break" does not mean "giving up".

Every time we have a plan set too far in advance, and we hit a road block, I am torn to pieces and that just isn't healthy. So, for now, we are not going to "plan" too far into the future; we are going to take it cycle by cycle and day by day.

Since I am currently spotting on CD 25, we know that the next cycle is about to start, so we are going ahead (partially) with the plan for this month. 

The plan will be as follows: Stop BCP tomorrow. Pick up Femara. Expect AF on Friday. Start Femara (7.5mg) on CD3. Start OPKs on CD 10. Test two, maybe three, times a day, like a mad woman. Take photos of all OPKs to compare. Post daily. Once I get a positive OPK call to schedule IUI for the next day. Try a little TI; with a sore bum, and pray to the God(s) for a BFP!

After that, all I can say is...