Today is my second to last day taking the Femara. One more day to go! I am all stocked up on OPKs and will start testing Saturday. Let me say that Femara is so much better than Clomid! Oh my, Clomid is evil. I had mood swings like you would not believe, and horrible hot flashes. I don't notice anything with the Femara and I don't think my husband does either.; at least I haven't heard him complain. He hated the Clomid effects!
Of course, right about now I am hit with too much stress. I feel like I am on edge all the time. Work has me bothered. I love my job (what I do), the hours are nice and pay is good. However, my schedule is looking to change. Our third front desk help put in her notice and so now we are down to two. I might have to close the office every night at 6pm. That means I will get home at 6:30-7pm and in bed by 9pm. My husband gets up early for work, so we are not night owls by any means. Besides, I left a full time job with great benefits, retirement, paid vacation/holidays, because I did not want to work late every single night. We see an RE in Eugene and my current schedule allows travel on a weekday since I have Friday afternoons and Mondays off. This new schedule will make getting to my appointments rather difficult. So, you can see why I am a bit distressed; and all at the wrong time! We have decided that I need to be my own boss. Ha! Wouldn't that be rad! I have also pondered the thought of going back to school. That was another reason why I took this job- so that I could get some more classes under my belt.
Funny how things change.
I am hoping that this weekend's get-a-away gives me some reprieve. I
need to relax and shut things off for a bit. I had a headache all night. This morning I am so tense because I just can't stop worrying about work! Normally I am worried about ovulating and what not... Maybe I am just a worry wort. ;-)
I am talking about meditation.
I never have. Recently I started looking into it. I work in an "alternative health care" office and they believe highly in meditation, relaxation and cleansing behaviors. It seems that I have a hard time with that type of stuff, even religion. I seem to require answers, scientific fact and we can't forget that I crave instant gratification! Obviously, none of those things ever helped me. That type of thinking always left me in trouble or unsatisfied, even mad.
So, maybe I need to change my thinking; my stinkin thinkin. I found some mediation music online specific to fertility (so it says). Lately, I have this vision of me: putting on some headphones, laying on the bed, alone, with the curtains closed, the door shut; there I am, just laying there, drifting off to another place, fully relaxed, calm and open. Focused on my body and visioning what it is that I want.
I have decided to give it a try!
Is that meditation? I don't think there is a certain way to meditate. I see it kind of like praying. There is no right way to do it.
But, when I think of mediation I think of this:
Can't it mean this...
