Why Do You Advocate?

Someone recently asked me "Why do you advocate for infertility? What do you hope to get out of it? 

The question was not meant to cause friction as it was not asked out of rudeness but rather curiosity. Having someone ask me those questions proves that speaking out truly does make a difference. Why else would someone ask that? It's easy: They want to know! If I never spoke up about my infertility they wouldn't be curious!

I advocate for infertility just as people advocate for: peace, for safer gun laws, autism, or cancer; to bring awareness and information to the public about a cause that they are passionate about. While I understand that not everyone is passionate about infertility and some believe that infertility is not a disease; I am and I do. The argument of whether or not infertility is a disease always goes back to cancer. They argue that cancer can kill you; infertility can't. In my opinion, either way, both things are not choices, they are not inconveniences, and while one might actually kill you, they both hurt, they can both be crippling. Any illness, disease or disorder need to be spoken about and they all need to be taken seriously. In my opinion, if alcoholism is a disease so is infertility.

I advocate for infertility so people will stop saying "relax, it will happen", "it might be God's will". It is not okay to trivialize infertility. You would never tell a cancer patient that it was God's will that they are sick. You would never tell them to "relax". 

I advocate for infertility so that someday, we may also get the same compassion as other diseases. I understand that sometimes finding the right things to say to those who are suffering can be a challenge. I hope that by helping people become better educated we will hear less of the "default" condolences and start hearing more compassionate and knowledgeable responses. 

I advocate for infertility for those that can't. For those who are too afraid to talk about it. I advocate so that they can hear my story and hopefully: feel less alone, less isolated, less ashamed and less broken. I share my story so that one day they may have the courage to speak out. The more people that suffer in silence, the longer is takes for people to understand that infertility is a real disorder (if you don't want to call it a disease). Being infertile does not mean we are too uptight, or trying too hard, or that we are paying for past mistakes. Infertility means we have a biological issue that won't allow us to reproduce and it hurts in ways you may never see. It attacks your spirit, your faith, your drive. It can be debilitating for some.

I advocate for infertility so that my state and all other states will have to implement infertility coverage into insurance plans. Our bodies are meant to reproduce and if it can't then there is a medical issue at hand. Plain and simple. I believe that just as the "pre-exsisiting"clause should be removed so should the denial of infertility diagnosis, treatments and monitoring. Again, this is a medical issue not an inconvenience. I have medical insurance to cover my medical issues! I advocate for the right to build my family!

I advocate for infertility so that I may help mothers, parents,  pregnant women, become more aware of the gift they are given. I might, in some way, help them become better mothers. People take for granted what they have when they don't realize how desperately others are fighting for it.We are all guilty of it. I don't think that makes us bad people. It just makes us unaware. I advocate to help raise awareness. Children are a blessing. A gift. Cherish them. Some of us are fighting the fight of our lives to have them.

"One person with passion is better than 40 who are merely interested"~ Tom Connellan

I advocate because I am infertile. 

I advocate because I have passion.

I advocate for me.

I advocate for you.

I advocate for us.

Join the Movement... I did!

Four years ago I met the man of my dreams. Three years ago we decided we wanted to start a family. Today, we are still barren and fighting infertility.

In the past three years we have been through ups and downs, laughter and tears, desperation and contentment.

We have felt isolated and included, forgotten and remembered, tested and safe.

We have become stronger and more connected than ever.

Through it all one thing remains constant; the love and support we have received from loved ones and from complete strangers. Support from infertiles and fertile myrtles, from people who understand the desire to be a parent and from those who desire a life child-free. I am forever grateful for the endless support, prayers and love.

This week is National Infertility Awareness Week. NIAW is a week dedicated to bringing information about infertility to the public created by Resolve. Every year they have a theme. This year the theme is 'Join The Movement'.  

  This is how I have joined the movement. 

I started my blog in December of last year after a few months of resting between treatments. The blog was meant to be a way for me to process and grieve. It was a place for me to document my thoughts, feelings, doubts and fears as we struggled to conceive. Little did I know that I would gain so much more that that!

I have noticed that since I started this blog I have had fewer dark days. I am able to see the bright side of this battle. I am able to see that I am not alone and that my disease, the disease of PCOS, and infertility is not as uncommon as many believe.

I remember when we first started our treatments. I remember the 4 or 5 rounds of Clomid. I remember the horrible side effects. I remember fighting with my husband over timed intercourse. I remember feeling so broken and alone and desperate.

I don't feel that way anymore. I am not alone and while my body might be broken, and Clomid still sucks, I am not broken enough to be defeated. And I am most definitely NOT alone

This blog has helped me to reach out, connect and share my story. 

I am a very open person and I find that to be a gift. I am able to share my thoughts, fears and hopes with the world. Some people who are fighting the same battle are unable to speak out. Infertility is a sensitive subject for so many of us; it is a very painful one. It affects more than just your ability to conceive. Infertility plays tricks on you. It will make you mean, angry, jealous and bitter. I know that I have a hard time dealing with pregnancy announcements and baby bump updates. It is not that I am angry or unhappy for them, it is that my pain is so strong that their happiness reminds me of something I may never have. 

 In my attempts to find peace in this journey I strive to touch the lives of others; including those who are not battling infertility.  I not only started this blog, but I started a Facebook page for this blog. I try to keep the public, friends, and family updated with informational articles and touching stories. I advocate for the infertile community.

I don't want to be defined as "infertile", even if that is what I am. I want to be defined as inspirational and motivating and strong.

I have committed myself to being an advocate for infertility today, tomorrow and always. There may come a day when I get to join the "Mommy Group" and if/when that day comes, I promise to never forget where it was that I started. I will promise to advocate for infertility as I do for those battling domestic violence. I promise to all my infertile sisters and brothers, that I will fight for you. I will speak up and out about the struggles we face. It is not an inconvenience; it is a reproductive disorder. 



You can join us in the movement! 

You don't have to start a blog, you don't have to understand the ins and outs on infertility. You don't have to understand my abbreviations. You just have to care.

Here are some simple ways you can help bring awareness to the world this week:

Change your cover photo to one of these great images for the week:

 http://theinfertilityvoice.com/niaw-2013/

OR 

Post a photo like this on your timeline

It really IS that simple!

For more information on infertility please visit:

• http://www.resolve.org/infertility101  (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
• http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)