Today is my second to last day taking the Femara. One more day to go! I am all stocked up on OPKs and will start testing Saturday. Let me say that Femara is so much better than Clomid! Oh my, Clomid is evil. I had mood swings like you would not believe, and horrible hot flashes. I don't notice anything with the Femara and I don't think my husband does either.; at least I haven't heard him complain. He hated the Clomid effects!
Of course, right about now I am hit with too much stress. I feel like I am on edge all the time. Work has me bothered. I love my job (what I do), the hours are nice and pay is good. However, my schedule is looking to change. Our third front desk help put in her notice and so now we are down to two. I might have to close the office every night at 6pm. That means I will get home at 6:30-7pm and in bed by 9pm. My husband gets up early for work, so we are not night owls by any means. Besides, I left a full time job with great benefits, retirement, paid vacation/holidays, because I did not want to work late every single night. We see an RE in Eugene and my current schedule allows travel on a weekday since I have Friday afternoons and Mondays off. This new schedule will make getting to my appointments rather difficult. So, you can see why I am a bit distressed; and all at the wrong time! We have decided that I need to be my own boss. Ha! Wouldn't that be rad! I have also pondered the thought of going back to school. That was another reason why I took this job- so that I could get some more classes under my belt.
Funny how things change.
I am hoping that this weekend's get-a-away gives me some reprieve. I
need to relax and shut things off for a bit. I had a headache all night. This morning I am so tense because I just can't stop worrying about work! Normally I am worried about ovulating and what not... Maybe I am just a worry wort. ;-)
Today my sister told me that after browsing my Pinterest boards she was no longer talking to me about PCOS or baby making related topics. She said it is like walking on eggshells. She doesn't know what she can or can't say to me about it.
Boy, is she right. Well, kind of. Not really. But, maybe a little.
It's not that it's a "touchy" subject, it is just that people who are not educated on the two topics tend to give the right advice at the wrong time. I know that expressions like "it will happen" or "don't worry" are positive and meant to be inspiring, but when said at the wrong time those three simple words cut like a knife. I can't speak for all people battling infertility or PCOS, but I can speak for myself, and when I hear those words I find myself wanting to shake the person while crying out "NOOOOO, it won't! It's NOT that easy!". People who battle with infertility usually have been fighting to get pregnant for months, even years! So, even if it may happen, we don't want to wait anymore, we want to be pregnant NOW! Don't take my disgust with the phrases personally. It's not personal. It's infertility frustration.
Please, don't get me wrong. Each day I am grateful that I have so many people in my life who are rooting for us, and who are trying to keep us positive. I can't imagine what it would be like to feel all alone in this battle. I am glad I won't ever have to experience that empty, deserted feeling.
I hope deep down my friends and family know that. I hope they know that I appreciate their cheers, prayers, and hopes, that they send our way daily.
Going through infertility and PCOS is a hard, painful road. I am sure that some where on this road we will find our child. It just won't be easy.
I told my sister that there are things to say and things not to say. She told me that I needed to make sure I posted those things on my updates, so people knew what they were allowed to say.
My sister.
She is funny.
I love her wit, and her smart ass sense of humor. I can always count on her for a laugh. I know that if I really needed a shoulder to cry on, she would be there. She might be there cracking jokes, but I know she would be right there. I know that deep down, she understands this suffering I am going through, and I bet she would wish it away if she could, even if she won't admit it. Right, Sis? ( I know you will read this!)
So, in short here are a list of things you can/should say:
"I admire your strength"
"I can't imagine how difficult, frustrating, upsetting this must be for you"
"Any child will be lucky to have you as parents"
"We love you"
"It's okay to feel hurt, or upset"
"Don't give up"
"So does the doc have your whoo hoo memorized?"
"You inspire me"
Things NOT to say:
"It will happen, just relax"
"Go to church"
"Pray"
"Just go on vacation and get drunk"
"Are you sure you want kids, you can have mine"
"Let nature"
"A friend of mine once...."
DON'T SAY THIS either....
A guy came into our office the other day and we started talking about fertility- not sure why. He told me that I needed to
have my cards read. He said that he and his wife were having problems
too, so they had a reading done and one card said they needed to "fertilize"
the earth. So... he said he went outside and did his biz on the ground
and that month she was pregnant. WTF. First off, I don't want to hear
that, or see you gesture "doing your biz", second... its gonna take a
lot more than a card reading to get me pregnant.
You get the point?
