The Reminders

I wrote this post a week ago and never got around to posting it. I had plans of proof reading it a few more times and altering it as needed, but too much time has passed and I am ready to move onto a new subject. With that being said, here are my thoughts from a few days past; unedited.

So, things have been kinda weird around here these days. I finally had a period after 70 days and then another one after less than 15 days! Yep, that's right; I didn't have a period at all in January and I've had two in March. My period came February 28th on CD 70 and again on March 13th on CD 14. I am so confused that I am not even sure what day to call this; according to "Fertility Friend" it is cycle day #4; I so don't even care!

Mike took off for a river trip this weekend and I went out with some friends from work one night and had my niece over the next night. I had quite the mix of emotions over those two days. It's funny how many emotions we go through on a daily basis when we really stop and take inventory. I am not sure if I have become more aware of my thoughts, feeling and reactions because I have gotten older or because of the things I have been through. I like to think it is the latter; only because I don't want to admit I am getting old.

While I was out with the girls on Friday night, one of them asked me how the baby thing was going and if we were still trying. I told her no and that we were just focusing on us right now; that the trying was taking over our relationship and we were beginning to feel the negative effects of it all. Another one of the girls asked her if she was trying yet and she said no- and just at that moment a little baby started screaming in the restaurant/pub. The four of us looked at each other and busted up laughing and in sync said "Another reason why we don't want to try!" It was hilarious! 

Saturday, Lily and I went grocery shopping. I am always amazed at how helpful she is. I never have to bribe her to do something. She loved pushing the cart at the store and was even helping me find the lowest priced items. When we got home she wanted to take the dogs for a walk before we headed out for a dinner date; she loves the dogs and she loves making sure they get exercise! After the walk she had her pick between cooking dinner at home, Chinese, Mexican or burgers and she wanted Mexican; I think that is because she knew mom and Lance were going to eat Mexican, too. 

At dinner she made me laugh so hard! She was eating chips waiting for her burrito to come and as she was eating her chips she was putting salt on each one individually instead of sprinkling salt over the whole basket. When her burrito came she ate about half before I could see her lose interest in it. Then she looks at me and says "Did you know my stomach has two parts?" "I does; How do you know" I asked. "I know because one part is burrito full but the other part isn't chip full" she said. I busted up! She always comes up with the most awesome stuff to say! She is so great.

When we went to sleep the reminder of why we wanted to be parents; why we were trying so hard to have a baby came. It came in her simple gesture before going to sleep, a gesture that filled my heart with love and my eyes with tears. She reached over, grabbed my hand. pulled it to her and held it before falling fast asleep.

That is why I want to be a mother. For those moments.

Thank you, Lily, for giving me the moments I may have never had (have) otherwise; for letting me feel the unconditional love of a child.