Thursday, February 28, 2013

It's Over

Yep. That is right. ICLW and the blog give-a-way are now just about over. 

I had such a fun week commenting on blogs as well as reading comments that were left on my blog. I have met so many wonderful people in the blogging world through ICLW. I am thankful for that, and thankful for all of you who tune into read my ramblings.

My blog give a way ends today, as well! I will draw a name randomly using Random Name Picker. The winner will be notified via email or by a blog comment! Make sure you enter if you haven't already. It ends at 9m Pacific time. 

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I am wondering if I should consider myself in the 2WW. This has been the worst cycle when it comes to detecting ovulation! Its been a total pain in my ass. I had (+) OPKS CD 15-17 (I think). My temps are barley up. They went from 97.6 to 97.18. We BD'd  on CD 15,16, 17, but we missed last night. I hope we are okay.... There is nothing we can do about it now, I guess.

Fertility Friend did not pin point ovulation, so I manually entered it. I entered it as CD 17.

I also wanted to mention the 'PostCard Swap' I am trying to put together... I thought it would be fun to get postcards from all over the place from my fellow IF friends. What do you think about that? Would you be interested?

**I am wishing everyone a fabulous day! There are lots of ultrasounds happening today for fellow bloggers and FBer's. Good luck to them!! I am anxiously waiting to hear the results!**

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Another Wednesday Post

Ok, I am a little post happy today, I apologize

I got a call back about the interview I went to on Monday. They want me to come in, see the office, and meet patients! The HR woman who called told me I made a lasting impression with my smile alone.What a great compliment. She said she was a life coach and that she studied the DISC Behavioral Styles and that I identify as a "high I". I have no idea what that means!

I can't help but wonder if "B" got a call back too. 

Now... Here is a slide show this cycle's OPKs. Nothing makes sense to me! I guess I need to wait it out and watch the temps because these OPKs are a friggin joke! Check my BBT charts on the left of the blog posts... they are not much help either!


I am still having "ovulation" pains. I am a tad bloated. I am over bd'ing! No offense babe!

Whats your letter?    I am a high "I".... so I was told. I think she nailed it!

I just don't get it!

It is CD 18 today. My BBT was up this morning. It went from 96.7 to 97.33 but Fertility Friend does not recognize ovulation! UGH!! I guess we will keep checking and bd-ing through the week. I really wish it would hurry up though!

Previously, while on Femara I noticed the same thing happening. Our first cycle was optimal. We have great P4 levels, ovulation occurred between CD15-17. Then the next cycle my ovulation came a little later and my P4 was lower. The first time doing Femara I saw a line change on CD15 and by the second and third round I was not really seeing a significant change on the OPK and ovulation got further and further apart. Making detection hard so we moved to a more monitored cycle using injections. I think we need to use Femara and monitor it next time; if there is a next time. 

I hate this shit.
UPDATE: This is the email I got from my nurse...
Good morning Teresa,
So in looking at the OPK’s I am inclined to think that cycle day 16 is positive.   You may have ovulated yesterday which would account for your elevated temp today.  I don’t know what to think about the smiley face digital, we don’t typically use those.  Lets’ check a progesterone level on March 5th, in one week, to see if ovulation has occurred.  I will send lab a lab order to St. Charles today.  I recommend having intercourse again today.

Thanks,
Sharon



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Pass the Milk

Oh. My. Heavens. 
These were the best cookies I have made. I tend to burn or over bake all cookies that I make; but not this time! My mom gave me airbake cookie sheets for Christmas and they are amazing. The cookies cooked perfectly! Since it was such a milestone in our house I wanted to share....the recipe and picture.

Chewy Chocolate Chip Cookies
2 cups all-purpose flour
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 3/4 cup unsalted butter, melted
  • 1 cup packed brown sugar
  • 1/2 cup white sugar
  • 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
  • 1 egg
  • 1 egg yolk
  • 2 cups semisweet chocolate chips

Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Grease cookie sheets.
Sift together flour, baking soda and salt, set aside. In a medium bowl, cream together butter, brown sugar and white sugar. Beat in vanilla, egg and egg yolk until light and creamy, about 1 minutes. Mix in the sifted ingredients until just blended. Stir in the chocolate chips by hand. Drop cookie dough a little less than 1/3 cup (yes 1/3 cup) at a time onto the cookie sheet. Cookies should be 3 inches apart.

Bake for 15-17 minutes in preheated oven. Cool on baking sheets for a few minutes before transferring to wire racks to cool completely.

Makes anywhere from 12-18 cookies
Recipe from All recipes


Reminders

Hello blogging friends! I just wanted to remind you all of a few things!
1. Don't forget to enter the give-a-way! It ends the 28th; the same day as ICLW.
2. "Like" "Where the Bleep is our Stork" on FB for more updates, give-a-ways, and links.
3. If you are interested in joining the book club let me know so that we can pick a book by March!

Top 3:
Hotel on the Corner of Bitter and Sweet
Time Traveler's Wife
Kitchen House
*If you have other suggestions fell free to mention them!*

P.S. Still no spike in temps. I am not 100% sure ovulation has occurred. I am having more side pains and more CM than yesterday... Fingers crossed we see a change soon! It is CD 17.

Have a great Tuesday!


Monday, February 25, 2013

What a friggin' day!

Ha, What a day! 

It started off with a phone call from my boss (we will call her "A") letting me know that she was going to fire our office manager (we will call her "B"); my immediate supervisor.

Let me give you some background.

For the past two weeks "B" has been on 'paid administrative leave' and was under investigation for creating a hostile work environment. There were several complaints regarding her attitude and demeanor from other employees; myself included. I was harassed via text messages for allegedly throwing away post it notes that her daughter drew on. After about the 10the message I called "A" and told her I was not dealing with it. I was ready to quit. I have been dealing with a shitty attitude from"B" for a while. She is rude, snappy, and loves to micro-manage. So, the non-stop messaging tipped me over the edge. "A" told me such was meeting with a HR consultant to figure out how to handle "B" and asked me to "hang in there". That was 2+ weeks ago and the situation has finally been resolved. "B" was fired today. 

But, it does not end there!

"A" told me that with the changes she was looking to bring in one person, full time, from 8-5, Monday through Friday, with a lot of billing experience who can work in the mornings doing billing and then switch gears and "man" the front desk for the remainder of the day. She said that she knew I did not want full time. She is sorta right. I took the job at HRA because initially I did not want to work full time. I left APT for a lighter schedule and a higher wage. But, since I made that transition we have noticed that money is tighter than we would like it to be. So, I told "A" that I was willing to work that shift for her. I don't want to lose my job. She said "thanks for letting me know." I did ask her if she was replacing me as well and she said she has to see what she needs as far as abilities and experience. Huh? I billed 300 claims a week, ran front desk, and kept up on "housekeeping" for 8 physical therapist! I think I can bill 70 claims a week for 4 acupuncturist!  But, whatever (yes, I am tad bitter). I guess I just have to wait and see what she decides.

Which  brings me to my next event of the day...

Since I thought "B" might be sticking around I started applying for new jobs. Today I had an invitation to attend a "group interview" for a naturalpathic doctor in town. When I got there I was notified that "B" was going to be there too! The woman who put the interview together, Layla, is also a patient of  "A's" and knows "B" from the office. What are the fucking odds? Anyway, "B" and I sat next to each other with the interviewing doctor between us. It was too close for comfort! Group interviews suck by the way and this made it that much worse. However, I made it through, thank God. They said they will call by the end of the week for private interviews. I just want to add that there were 80 resumes submitted and only 8 invited for the interview! 

THEN.... Just now...

I am at home, writing this blog, and I got a message from "A" telling me that "B" has been sending unpleasant text messages to other employees. She asked me to ignore her, save any messages and let her know asap. She said she apologizes for dragging me into this drama and she said that she appreciates me being in the office right now. 

When I came back into my computer I noticed I had an "alert" on my FB page. Guess what?! "B" friend requested me! She then followed that up with a text saying..." Fuck you. All I needed was job to take care of my kid. Ruthless." Oh my.



Ok, so lets move on now to my last un event of the day. I took more OPKs today and these were the results. There were 3 but the CB did not have a smiley face so it is photo shy.
Top: CD 15 morning- Middle: CD16 morning- Bottom: CD 16 afternoon
So let me ask you... WHAT day do I call OVULATION!?

WHAT THE ?

Ugh. So today is CD 16 and I am not sure if I had a positive OPK or NOT!

Yesterday I took five, yes FIVE tests! I got a smiley face on one and slight, faint lines on the others. But, I tested again at 7pm and I did not get a smiley face.

Today I woke up and took my morning test and I got a darker line on one and a blank circle on the other! I have no idea what is going on or what test to trust! 

We did BD last night and probably will again (just in case). My temps are not rising as normal. As a matter of fact today it dropped to 96.80 from 97.45.

I really hope that I get two matching tests soon... if that is even possible!

Here are some photos!



On a side note... if I can get 50 "likes" on "Where the Bleep is Our Stork's?" Facebook page then I will do another give-a-way! We are almost there!

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Sunday Funday!

Happy Sunday Funday! I hope you all had a good weekend. Mine started off a bit shaky since I had to do taxes- but it has ended nicely! 

We just got back from watching 'Silver Linings Playbook'. It was a great movie and we both really enjoyed it. It was a toss up between that and 'Snitch'. When I got home I took an OPK. Okay, so I lied; I took two. 
Three for the day.
CD 15 (top: morning test, middle and bottom: afternoon test)
I am so confused by the test results. 

The top test was taken early this morning and there seems to be a slight line visible. Then, this afternoon I got a smiley face on the Clearblue. This is my first time ever using the "smiley face" brand, thanks to AMBER! You can imagine my excitement when I saw it! It is so much easier than trying to match up line colors. 

But, what I don't understand is why I got a practically non-existing line on the First Response test using the SAME urine!? I am not sure if I left one test in the urine cup longer than I should have or what... it just seems so odd. I wonder if I should test again tonight or just say "heck with it", BD, and test again tomorrow!? 

My temp dropped the other day but was higher again this morning and I don't really notice CM. I am having slight ovary pains and felt some fluttering this morning.... 

What are your thoughts, lovely followers? 

UPDATE: I took two more test (yes, that makes 5 for the day) and I did NOT get a smiley face! WTH? We will BD still...  just in case!

Friday, February 22, 2013

Anticipation

Well, it is CD 13 and I am anxiously awaiting a positive OPK! I was feeling ovary pains a few days ago but since then they have let up. I don't have much CM anymore either! I am kinda freaking out. I know that won't do any good, but what can I say... I am a worry wort a times and very impatient.

I looked though my book and last month and the ovulation pains started while I was still talking the Femara, CD 4-7, and then nothing. On CD 14, things started to change. I noticed more CM and by CD 15 (day of + OPK) ovulation pains stuck around until CD 20, or so. Then the heartburn hit! Whoa! I never get heartburn but after ovulation I had it daily for about 7-10 days, and it sucked!

Today, I am not having any symptoms. It is only 7:06am. 
This is what I need to remember!
P.S. You will notice that "Teresa F" is now posting as "Impatiently Waiting"

Thursday, February 21, 2013

Welcome ICLW visitors!

Happy ICLW week! I am looking forward to meeting new blogging friends and reading your comments!

A fellow blogger introduced me to ICLW, and I am so glad she did! I started blogging in December and I now have so many great followers! It has been a great way to connect with others who have been or who are going through the same journey.

You can read all about our battle with IF at the top of the blog under "TTC time line" and "How we got here". 

Currently, I am cycle #5 with Femara, 7.5 mg. I am CD 12 and still testing negative on the OPK. The ovary pains have let up, the temps have been dropping and I have low back pain. I hope that by CD 15 we have a strong positive OPK. We are doing a non-monitored cycle, since last month I ovulated really well with the Femara. On CD 22 my progesterone was at 75!

********************

Don't forget to join the Give-A-Way! It ends on the 28th! Who doesn't love free stuff?

Again, thank you for stopping by my blog and for introducing yourself to me! I am really looking forward to meeting new people!

So.....
Welcome, enjoy, and I hope you stay a while!


"Like" me on Facebook!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Thank You's and Shout Out's

Well, today is CD 11 and my OPK is negative. But that is to be expected. It is still early. I can feel my ovaries working, for sure. The left side is already larger that the right, so I feel it more often, but the right is hard at work. I have been having side pains; the sharp twisting kind, not the dull ache of AF pains. They started on CD 9 and I don't anticipate them stopping anytime soon. I don't mind them, to be honest. Its a comfort knowing that my body is doing what it is suppose to!

My morning started off with acupuncture to help with ovulation. I had a session on CD 13 last month and I ovulated really well; so why not try again? But ever since then my back has been hurting. Like always, I was hooked up to e-stim with needles in my low back and abdomen, causing muscle contractions (intentionally) so, I am sure that has something to do with it. But, low back  pain is also common for me during ovulation, so who knows!

When I got home I checked the mail and got this special delivery....
Lucky socks, OPKs, a book on Happiness and a sweet note!
I turned to page 20 in the book (today's date) and this is whats written:  
"Happiness is.... the sight of a sleeping child." ;-)
 
THANK YOU TO AMBER!!

I met Amber through blogging; come to find out she is a fellow Oregonian! Who's winning? I am winning!! She writes a great blog and remains so positive even though she has been through one hell of a journey. I am honored to be able to follow along with her and to consider her a friend. 

Recently she posted that she had OPKs she was willing to send to someone that would put them to good use, and of course. I responded! I didn't anticipate the other great gifts though!  My husband couldn't believe that someone I haven't ever met was doing such great, kind, selfless things for others. He really appreciates the support the women in the IF journey have amongst each other and he really appreciates the love and support that I am given. He says that since I have started blogging, I seem less stressed and less "moody". 

Blogging is a great outlet and it really is quite impressive to be apart of such a society; one filled with so much struggle, drive, love and compassion. Infertility is a Bitch, but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and even though IF is a confusing journey and a shitty disease; there is on thing I know for sure.... IF WON'T kill me, it can only make me stronger!

So again, THANK YOU to Amber and to so many other who: read this blog, offer advice and give support and compassion. I am truly blessed. 

Last, I want to leave you with this link to a GREAT blog post tiled "You Might Be Infertile If..." from Risa at Who Shot Down My Stork? <--- click here! It made me laugh, I know you will too!


P.S. Tomorrow ICOMLEAVWE starts! I am looking forward to new comments and readers! Don't forget about the GIVE-A-WAY!

Sunday, February 17, 2013

Feeling Like My Own Madam (Possible TMI post)


Everything. 
I literally just went through my date book and marked down days we will need to have sex. Now, tell me, what's hot about that? When I look at my book I feel like I just pimped myself out. Scheduling dates and times to have sex with the DH? Oh infertility, you are such a bitch. How dare you take the fun out of my love life!! I remember the days when sex was spontaneous. Now, I find myself looking forward to the 2WW; when we don't have to schedule times to have sex, or make love, or whatever you want to call it! My DH does too. I don't want it to sound like we hate having sex, or that it is a chore, because that is not the case. We have a very healthy and satisfying sexual relationship, but anyone who has tired as hard as we have to get pregnant knows that TI just really isn't all that fun. It doesn't matter if you had a bad day, feel tired, or bloated, you better take those big girl panties off and get busy! Time is ticking. That is what sucks about ovulation. Our eggs only last 12-24 hours, while those little swimmers can swim for up to 72 hours! Again. Men have it so easy. Well, my man has it so easy. Don't forget; there are cases in infertility that are solely related to male factor.

I won't lie; when we first started to try with fertility meds and TI, it was difficult. We were horrible at it! The stress of insemination would cause such tension and anxiety that it was nearly impossible for either one of us to enjoy anything; we couldn't even avoid or an argument. The pressure was so strong, there's no wonder we got a BFN on our first try! Since then, we have gotten much better! I try to make it as spontaneous as I can, and make it seem as little an appointment as possible. TI is much easier than it used to be, but yes, it still sucks and we still look forward to the END of ovulation.

So, ya, I 've got the BD schedule down. I figure we need to BD every other day starting on CD 10 and then as soon as I get a (+) OPK we will BD for the following 3 days, then every other day until CD 21-22. In case I ovulate late, I want to make sure we are covered. Like I have said before; there is a difference between "Let's hope get it" and  "Lets make sure we don't miss it". Someone once told me "Hope is not a strategy"; in this sense, I agree. 

For those that are with me in this IF journey- do you have little tricks you do during TI? Meaning: Do you use pillows to prop up the hips, use Instead SoftCups, Preseed? These are all things I have heard people do. We tried Preseed once. My DH was not a fan.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy V-Day!

I am not big on Valentine's Day. I don't need one day to show my love. I show it daily. Besides, today totally sucked.

First, I had to go to a meeting with a HR consultant regarding the issues at the office. The meeting went smoothly and was over in a half an hour. The HR lady basically asked me questions about work: how I felt, what I experience, what would I change.... that type of stuff. Then, she had me "grade" an employee which was really uncomfortable! I don't like to judge people. 

After the meeting I had this over-whelming feeling that I needed to go home and check on the dogs before heading into the office. We have one Pit Bull and one Weimaraner. Zoie, the PB is 4.5 years old (give or take) and Hans, the Weimaraner is 14 months. We adopted Hans when he was 6 months old and he has been a handful ever since. Granted he is a really smart dog, but he is also a terror. He suffers from separation anxiety and can't be alone. Ever. When we would leave for work we would have to kennel the two dogs together in the garage because the neighbors complained about his barking when he was outside. But once it got colder outside we moved them into the laundry room. At first the both did really well. We were happy that we finally found a place for them while we were gone! Since Hans likes to chew EVERYTHING we could not leave him alone in the house, and he likes to dig, so the back yard was also out of the question. About a month ago my DH came home and noticed that Hans had chewed the knobs off the washer and dryer. After the anger wore off we tried it again. Today was the LAST straw. I came home, opened the laundry room door and saw this:


So now, Hans sits in a kennel at the humane society in hopes of finding a new home. I cried when I found out that my DH took him to the pound and left him there. But what else can we do? I feel like we tried our best. He deserves a better home. We are not as active of a couple as he needs. I don't blame him for ruining our things when we leave him home locked up for 5+ hours a day and when we don't run him as often as he needs. But, he had to go. The stress he was causing me was not good. He never listened to me; only to my DH. Hans was his dog. So, you can only imagine how hard it was for him to take Hans and leave him. I feel horrible for all of us, including the washer! I have not been able to stop crying. All I do imagine him sitting in that cold kennel all alone, wondering where we are. I can't stop thinking that he is feeling abandoned by us. He was. I miss him. But I know this is best. Isn't it?

WTF!?! How did he pull that washer all the way away from the wall, open the door and eat the rubber!? The dog is a machine, I swear. My husband was right, if I hadn't come home when I did, he would have pulled that washer clear out of the wall and our house would have flooded!

Happy Mother F*cking Valentine's Day to Us! UGH!

On the bright side, I received beautiful flowers delivered to me at work, a sweet card and Thai food!

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Cycle #5 Update

I talked to my nurse today about this cycle and the "plan". I thought that we were going to do a monitored cycle with blood work and follicle checks; but that doesn't seem to be the case. Of course, if I wanted to, we could. The nurse and doctor don't think we need to monitor just yet, since last cycle was so spot on. They were very happy with the way I responded to Femara. The plan is that I will finish up the Femara and start OPKs on CD 10 (Tuesday). Once I see a change in the OPK- I am to call the office so we can schedule an IUI for the next day,(if we want to do IUI) then we will check progesterone on CD 21-22.

I really like the follicle checks because I like to know exactly what we are "working" with. But, we are trying to be consciousness of cost, since most of these test come out of our pocket and are not covered by insurance. We have and HRA account that has almost been depleted for the year and won't be reset until August, so we are trying to be careful and smart. Which seems silly in the world of infertility."Careful"? "Smart"? If I had it my way, we would be doing blood work every three days, and I would have my follicles checked almost daily. I would know exactly when to do IUI, or TI. I feel like it really is all about timing for me. I wish I knew EXACTLY when that egg is released! I do have a $150.00 credit with my OB, who does my follicle checks. I could use it-- and since the payment is good for 30 days, I can have as many U/S as I want in that time frame. I wonder if I should schedule the U/S on CD 11-13, to see where we are, and then again a few days later? Or I could save the credit and put it towards the $375 for IUI...
The second opinion doctor thought we should do three more rounds of Femara, 7.5mg, with IUI before moving on to IVF.

What would you do?  

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Oh, Facebook!

Today I started a Facebook Group for people battling infertility. I named it "(Im)Patiently Waiting". I was apart of a group before this, but the administrator decided to close it for reasons of her own. I don't have all the details, but I don't need them. All I know I am sad to see her go. She was always so supportive and on the ball when it came to everyone's cycles. I am glad I can still stalk her blog though! I really love the support that I get from people in the group and those who follow my blog, so I decided that in order to keep contact with all of the special ladies I have met, I would start my own page.

We will see how I keep up on that. Ha!

Oh, and... 




Monday, February 11, 2013

Green Light!

Today I had my baseline ultrasound. Everything looks "great"! We are clear to move ahead! I start Femara, 7.5mg tomorrow. The technician said the endometrium looks good and I have about 20 follicles on each side. She was even nice enough to print out a photo so that I can share what follicles and ovaries look like.  That darker almond shaped thing in the middle is my ovary and the little black spots inside that are follicles.... "potential" eggs!

Left Ovary
The nurse said to start testing OPKs on CD 10-11. I feel like I just stopped testing and now I have to start all over! I am sure my IF friends are rolling their eyes; they know first hand how neurotic I am about OPKs! So, let me apologize in advance!

Here we go again! Femara cycle #5. Wish us luck!

Sunday, February 10, 2013

I've Got Company

I was greeted this morning by AF! Normally I would be annoyed and grumpy; but not today! I am happy that my P4 level dropped and that she arrived on time! I had a 29 day cycle this month. I will go in for a day  baseline on Tuesday and hopefully all is clear and we can start Femara! 

Until then, I am going to keep myself busy with a movie and early dinner at McMenamins with the DH! We are going to see Skyfall. Heck, why not? The movie is only $3.00 and we get to sit on a couch, drink beer and eat food! Count. Me. In! 

Have a great Sunday everyone!

Don't forget to enter the Giveaway!!!

*Sunday Update*
Scratch the movie. I have the worst cramps. I am parked on the couch with a heating pad, a blanket and a movie! I am not far off from the original plan! I have a baseline U/S tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed that all is clear!

Oh! I almost forgot. Please visit "Where the *bleep* is our Stork?" on Facebook and take a minute to "like" the page! Here is the link:  https://www.facebook.com/WhereTheBleepIsOurStork 
Thanks! 

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Giveaway

I have decided to have a Giveaway! This is my first one 
and I am making the rules up as I go!

I was going through a box of books and I came across these little gifts. They are from an independent bookstore I used to work at. The cards are inspired to empower, honor and celebrate mothers, and the cute n' sassy case on the left is a tampon case! I figured this would be a good start to my giveaways.

 Lolly Lu Tampon Case
and a deck of inspirational cards ($25.00 value)


How To Win: 

Mandatory Entry:

You must first answer the following questions:

  • If you're living through infertility, what is the worst advice you have received? (if you are not IF- whats the worst advice you have gotten about anything?)
  • Do you have a "most embarrassing" infertility moment? If so, I dare you to share! (if you are not IF, whats your most embarrassing moment?)
  • If you haven't suffered infertility but know someone that is or has been through it, how did you best support them?
  • Can you describe your life with a six word sentence? 


Then you need to do two of the following:
  • Post about my giveaway on your blog or Facebook page and give me the direct link to the post
  • Join my site or let me know you are already following
  • Visit my "Book Club" tab and leave a comment 
  • "Like" "Where the Bleep is Our Stork?" on Facebook

  • Giveaway will end on February 28th at 9pm, Pacific Standard Time
  • Winners will be chosen at random by Random Name Picker 
  •  Winners will be posted within 24 hours of the giveaway ending. 
  • Be sure you leave a valid email address, if it's not already linked, in the comments. 
  • Winner{s} will have 48 hours to get back to me or a new winner will be drawn.  
Good Luck!

Upcoming giveaways include: a copy of "Active Women's Pregnancy Log", a Starbucks gift card, lotion, soap, candles and more! Join now!

Post BFN

"To succeed, you must have tremendous perseverance, tremendous will. 'I will drink the ocean,' says the persevering soul, 'at my will mountains will crumble up.' Have that sort of energy, that sort of will, work hard, and you will reach your goal." ~ Swami Vivekananda, India
It has been two days since my BFN. I am not as disappointed with the result as I thought I would be. Don't get me wrong, I am bummed, and I was mad for a minute. But, like a fellow blogger pointed out in a comment she left; good things happened this cycle! Besides, I told myself early on that I would not expect a BFP, since this was our first cycle off BCP. I always have been one to assume or expect the worst. I am not sure if that is a quality or a fault.
So, it is time to plan the next cycle.  
I emailed my nurse and told her  the test was negative but that I had not started  my cycle yet. I told her that I was ready to plan the next cycle and that I was hoping we could continue with the Femara and closer motoring. I asked her if she thought we needed to add the injections; or hold off. 
This was her reply.
Hello Teresa,
So I talked with Sue Armstrong, we reviewed your chart. (Dr. Austin has been busy with patients). We noticed a few things. Over the past year we’ve done quite a few different treatments but have not really tried any one thing for awhile. The gonadotropin cycles did not go well, we are not sure how much the monitoring played into it but we are concerned about the response to the medications. However you did respond well to Femara both at 5 mg and at 7.5 mg. Usually we have pts do 3-4 cycles of one thing, as long as it’s going well, and then adjust or try something else. I’m wondering if we need to give the Femara a few tries and then if it doesn’t work in a few months try adding the Menopur?

Let me know what you think about this.

Regarding repeating an SA, we can certainly do this and if you want it could be done with an IUI, if you wanted to do IUI. In terms of necessity, he did have a normal SA so it’s not needed but can’t hurt. I reviewed your chart for the HSG information and per Dr. Carlson the tubes were patent. However this is another thing that can be repeated here if you want.

I will be out of the office on Monday but back next Tuesday. I’ll wait to hear from you.

Have a good weekend.

Sharon
So, I guess that is the plan! I will continue the next few cycles with Femara, 7.5 mg,  have closer monitoring done with and do an IUI. I figure that we can try this through May or so. Then we can try a round with the injections and if all that fails we can revisit talk of IVF again in August; when our insurance rolls over and our HRA account is reset.  
Until then. I wait. I wait for this next cycle to start. Since my progesterone level was so high it might take a little while. I really wish I had more patience! They really would come in handy right now!
Let's see, I have some other news. 
Things at work are getting interesting. I wont go into detail, because drama sucks and I am trying to refrain from it as much as possible.  But, I will say that there are some major things happening in attempts to cut out all the negativity and harassment.  An HR consultant told my boss that it could be considered a "hostile work environment". I am interested and nervous to see how this all plays out; and I am so ready for the drama to end!
Last, I have been thinking about starting an online "book club" on my blog. I love to read and have always wanted to be part of a book club, but finding the time to make a meeting has often times proven difficult. So I started thinking. I have a lot of friends that read but we don't all live close by. So, if we all agreed on a book of the month or two (depending on how fast people read) I could post up discussion questions and participants could all chime in virtually at their leisure! It would be a great on going discussion! Not to mention this would be a great way to get more followers and a great time to do GIVE-A-WAYS! People love free stuff!! Let me know what you think! Would you be interested? 
I hope everyone has a great weekend! My DH requested a "really good" chili, so now I am on the hunt for a recipe! 
Ciao for now!

 
 

Thursday, February 7, 2013

Still not pregnant

Yep, that is correct, another BFN. I am 12 DPO (I think) and the test was a stark white, not even the slightest line appeared. I am not pregnant. 

I let myself enjoy the "robust" progesterone number long enough. Time to face reality; this is the beginning of the end for cycle #19!

I have a call into my nurse to see what we do next. I wanted to add the left over Menopur into my regime with Femara, but I am not sure we need to quite yet. I seem to ovulate pretty well with Femara alone. Since this was our first cycle off BCP, we did little monitoring. I am thinking that we should try the 7.5mg Femara again, with labs and U/S before we move on to new plan of action. My DH needs to do another SA as well; since the last one was in 2011.

This morning I looked over at my DH after the negative test and told him I was not sure I wanted to try IVF. I asked him about adoption. I think that was all said out of despair and grief. The negative pregnancy results truly take a toll on my mind, body and spirit. 

Like many times before, once I snap out of it, I am ready to try again. Ready to try anything! Ready to give it my all!

So, today I will take my time processing this negative test and tomorrow I will put on my big girl panties and figure out what we are going to do.

Have a great day, everyone! Thanks in advance for all your support! 



Tuesday, February 5, 2013

DPO 10 and Other Nonsense

I am experiencing my usual 2WW symptoms. I looked back at my journals for 2012, and my previous Femara cycles, and I noticed that from about DPO 8-15, I experience: low back aches, cramping, increased cervical mucus, bloat, and heartburn. I must say that this time the heartburn really stands out, though. I am bloated from the elevated progesterone and I could have increased cramping, as per my nurse. 

I am not getting my hopes up. The only time I let myself believe that we were going to get a BFP was the first time we tried with injections. I swore it was going to work. Obviously, it did not pan out. Since then, I just kinda try to remain numb until test day or AF comes. I deal better in denial, I suppose.

There are lots of new pregnancy announcements going on around me. I think it's great! Some of the women I know have been battling infertility for too long, so I am thrilled they finally got that BFP!! As much as it gives me hope, it makes me mad. Mad at my own body. Mad that our time is still unknown. Mad that I try to do everything right and yet, we still fail. I know that those are selfish feelings. But, infertility is a Bitch; and she will change you. She will make you cynical, envious, jealous, angry, frustrated and impatient. She will cause you great despair and heart ache. It is just not fair. But, truly, even though I battle these emotions at times; I am really happy for those who get their happy ending! 
They deserve it.

Our book is not complete yet. We are not done fighting!


Sunday, February 3, 2013

Super Bowl Sunday and Other Stuff

Happy Super Bowl Sunday to all the NFL fans out there! Sadly, my team did not make it, but I am still excited to watch it. I was born in California and the Niners are loved by many in my family, so by default I will root for them. But, I said earlier I just want a J. Harbaugh to win... that is a safest answer. For those of you who don't follow football... the coach of the Niners and  the coach of the Ravens are brothers! Jim and John Harbaugh! It should be an exciting game just for that right there! Nothing beats a little sibling rivalry!

Today we went out an hiked around the badlands and let the dogs run off some energy. It has been such a nice day. Days like this remind me of why I choose call Central Oregon, my home. The sun is out and the skies are blue. There was a bit of a chill factor with the wind, but the heat from the sun makes everything bearable. I guess it is safe to say that I am ready for summer! I really want to make it up to Smith Rock this year, since we never did last year! It been a while since I was up there; it would be nice to create new memories.

Monkey Face at Smith Rock State Park
I am 8 DPO today. I have had the worst heartburn for a few days now. It won't go away. I am not sure if it is the coffee, my diet, or what!? Nothing seems to help it, either. I am still feeling bloated and crampy from the progesterone, the ovaries still seem to be straining and I have increased CM. If this cycle does not result in a BFP- I am still just so thrilled to have ovulated. Femara really does work! That progesterone level was a huge number, wasn't it?! My friend said she always knew I was an overachiever! ;-)

Well, that is all the rambling I will do for now! Have a happy Sunday!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

"I would like to thank..."

Amber, over at "Old Lady and No Baby", nominated me for the Liebster Award! Amber is not only a fellow infertile, she is a fellow Oregonian! Thus, I felt an immediate connection to her.  I must admit that I am kinda shocked to have received any type of anything since I am such a novice blogger! But, I am so happy that people enjoy my blog and that you all tune into read my ramblings of life, infertility, and whatever else I decide to blab about. I am grateful for all the kind words, the support, and the encouragement from the blogging and IF communities! Starting this blog was the smartest thing I have done. It has been such an outlet for me and I have made an impact on others; even if in just the smallest of ways. My husband even loves it!  

Thank you Amber, for nominating me, and being such a great supporter!


This award is given to new or up and coming bloggers who have less than 200 followers…the award is then passed along to other bloggers in the same category to help spread the word and support one another.
If you receive the award, there are a few rules to follow…
  • Each blogger nominated must post 11 things about themselves
  • Then answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked
  • Blogger must then create 11 questions of their own to ask the bloggers they decide to nominate
  • They must choose 11 bloggers with less than 200 followers to nominate and link them on their blog post
  • Bloggers must be notified of their award!
  • No tag backs!

11 Things about me:
  1. I am a worry wort. Therfore, I am totally indecisive
  2. I have always wanted to travel to Italy, unfortunately, I have not made it there yet. But, I did make it to Vegas and there was a little part of Italy there... does that count?
  3. I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up
  4. I have the biggest fear of snakes and cats
  5. One of my pet peeves is the sound of people slurping soup
  6. I twirl my hair in my fingers when I am bored or nervous
  7. I do not like to be the passenger in a vehicle and I don't like having passengers in my vehicle
  8. I was afraid of the dark and scary movies until I was.... who am I kidding? I am still afraid of the dark after watching scary movies
  9. I sleep with one leg out of the sheets at night
  10. I could live in yoga pants and hooded sweatshirts- I hate jeans
  11. I have been published in the paper a few times in both California and Oregon (and not just in the police reports!) HA HA!

Questions from Amber:
  1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but don't think you'll ever actually work up the courage to actually do it? Skydive or Surf
  2. What would your dream job be and are you doing it now? I just want to be my own boss
  3. Who is the one person in your life that you look up to and admire the most? I can't choose one. It is a tie between my mom and my dad. I love them both so much. They have such strong, unconditional love and an unbelievable devotion to their faith. I am amazed by them daily.
  4. What is your favorite t.v. show? Parenthood
  5. What is your favorite memory from high school? I hated high school! That is all I remember. Ha ha!
  6. Did you play sports when you were younger? Yes! Softball, basketball, volleyball and track
  7. What and where was your best vacation ever? Our Oregon Coast Honeymoon
  8. What are your top 3 favorite movies? 300, Blind Side, Surfs Up
  9. What is your favorite thing to cook? Bacon
  10. What kind of music do you listen to?  Favorite artist? I listen to a bit of everything. I don't really have a favorite artist. Mumford and Sons; at the moment, I guess.
  11. If money were no object, what is one big thing that you would purchase? A new home. I love our house, but its small for my liking, and I want a piece of property. I prefer to be more than a stones throw away from my neighbors.

My questions for my nominees- or anyone who wants to participate! 
  1. What is your favorite flavor of ice cream?
  2. What is your favorite hobby?
  3. Do you have a favorite sport/team? If so, what/who?
  4. What was your biggest accomplishment of 2012?
  5. What do you hope to accomplish the most is 2013?
  6. If you had one record you had to listen to over and over again, what would it be?
  7. What is your fondest travel memory?
  8. What is one thing infertility has taught you?
  9. What would the "perfect" day look like, for you?
  10. If you could be on a reality TV show, which one would you choose?
  11. If you could start a charity what kind of charity would you start?

Bloggers I nominate:
This is hard; bare with me as I find bloggers to nominate!
  1. Lisa over at The Pursuit of Pregnancy 
  2. Mark and Amy at Carney Exploits
  3. Aunt Mimi at Hakuna Matata
  4. Gypsy Mama at Gypsy Mama's Misconceptions 
  5. The Tao of Pig Pen  at Sunshine Dreams and Hopes
  6.  Trish at BFN equals Big Fat Tears